Goddamn Giant Moon Will Deprive Everyone of Awesome Meteor Shower
Normally, when they hear the biggest full moon of the year is coming, people and werewolves get very excited.
This year though, the so-called "supermoon" is going to take away from the real stars of the evening: the stars of the evening.
Astronomers are now cautioning that the supermoon's appearance will coincide almost exactly with the peak of the annual Eta Aquariids meteor shower, which occurs when Earth passes through flakes of dust left behind by Halley's comet.
According to NASA meteor expert Bill Cooke, the light of the great big giant moon will wash out most of the meteors, though the very brightest fireballs may still be visible.
At its peak, the shower should produce about 60 shooting stars per hour.
At its peak, the moon should deny us about 60 wishes per hour.
Supermoons occur, on average, once a year, when the moon becomes full at the same time it makes its closest approach to Earth for the month – the point in its orbit called the "perigee." This combination of factors results in a moon that looks slightly more intimidating than normal.
Astronomers estimate that Saturday's could appear 16 percent bigger and 30 percent brighter than the other full moons of 2012, making those other moons look like weak baby moons.
"I want you to know, the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little, because I'm a moon, and I know how to do things," said the moon.
All that remains now is for scientists to make it very, very clear to all paranoid people on the Internet that there is absolutely no chance the slightly-larger-than-normal moon will somehow destroy the Earth.
Unless.
