After a quick glance at this Craigslist help wanted ad for an office manager of a Manhattan eye surgery clinic, you may be tempted to apply, given the good salary ($50,000-$80,000) and ample vacation. But read the whole thing, and it becomes clear that no amount of money is worth plunging into this labyrinth of crazy.

This ad was posted by our old friend, crazy Dr. Emil Chynn of Park Avenue LASEK, whom you may remember from his last Craigslist exploit: Posting a roommate ad offering free rent to a woman who would walk on his back for an hour every day and help find him a wife

Now, he's looking for someone to help out as his office manager. The ad is another sprawling, oddly-capitalized masterpiece. In his ad, Chynn explains in great detail that he needs help because his current office manager is unwilling to be hated by his staff:

Basically, she runs a loose ship, which creates a chaotic environment that is antithetical to a high-end elective surgery practice. She is too nice to her staff and tries to manage based on friendship and coddles rather than pushing our interns and fellows. She lets herself take the easier role of "good cop" which forces the owner [Chynn] to always be "bad cop" to the staff which is horrible:(. She takes out her frustration by being sarcastic to the owner in front of staff and customers alike, rather than properly whipping her staff into shape to prevent their repetitive errors. Basically, crap in the workplace is SUPPOSED to run DOWNHILL from superior to subordinate;) And she allows crap to run UPHILL from her subordinates to her, then past her to the owner/surgeon! This is clearly unacceptable and we cannot continue this upside-down workplace environment

"We need a MUCH more AGGRESSIVE and ASSERTIVE person who understands it is his or her job to PROTECT the owner," Chynn writes.

As an example of his current office manager's intransigence, Chynn complains about how she went out and got lunch and didn't get him anything.

For example, last week, on a surgery day, she went out for 15 min to get lunch, came back and ate it in 15 min. So far, so good, because as Manager she's cutting her lunch short to get through the surgery cases on time. she knows the owner hasn't gone for lunch and sees him inhaling a power bar before going into our OR. Does she offer him any of her lunch? No, even though he's previously eaten and paid for her leftovers. Does she ask him if she can grab anything for him? No, even though he paid her subordinate to do so always.

This is the worst part that demonstrates she has her priorities wrong: Then she catches him eating an apple that was sitting in the refrigerator overnight and starts berating him: "I saved that for the new premed intern who started last week—now you'll have to apologize to her!" If you don't think this is insane we can't hire you.

Wait, you may be thinking, doesn't the current office manager mind at all that Chynn is publicly trashing her while trying to hire her replacement? Apparently not: "don't worry about being hired above her, as she has already said she is OK with a demotion, and even a pay cut," Chynn says.

Still confused about what would make a model Park Avenue LASEK office manager? Chynn is happy to inform:

You MUST be LOYAL to your BOSS who is giving you $10,000-$20,000 in BONUS per year and say things to the intern like: "I can't believe you took lunch when you know Dr. Chynn hasn't—run out now and get him something to eat, he'll pay you back, and don't let me see you forget this again!" THAT type of ATTITUDE is EXACTLY what our practice so vitally NEEDS!;)

On the other hand: Two weeks paid vacation!

Here's the full ad:

Park Avenue LASEK, the ONLY Non-Cutting SafeSight Laser Vision Correction Center in NYC
(every other center is a cutting LASIK center)
is GROWING while our competitors are shrinking, because everyone who hasn't gotten LASIK yet hasn't done so because of Fear
and our Trademarked SafeSight(TM) procedure is Non-Cutting, so 10x safer than the old cutting LASIK procedure!

We are HIRING for either a Front Desk Manager or Office Manager, depending on experience
we currently have an Office Manager, but lost our Front Desk Manager (he went back to school)
so need to hire one more person to share our Front Desk with her

what your title, job duties, and compensation will be will depend on your experience (relative to hers)

she is 29, and has 2 year's experience in a medical office, 1 year as a Front Desk Manager, and 1 year as a Practice Manager
she is a graduate of a 4-year college, and is very smart and presentable and hard-working and has a lot of common sense
She is great at closing free consults and is currently making $20,000/yr in bonus

However, there are things she's not good at that we need to run an efficient office, which include:
Being tough on the staff, holding them accountable, making them follow protocol, making them come in on time, training them,
delegating, making them communicate properly with each other, coaching them on sales activities, disciplining them as needed,
Correcting their deficiencies herself so not everything has to be addressed directly by the owner/surgeon himself

Basically, she runs a loose ship, which creates a chaotic environment that is antithetical to a high-end elective surgery practice
She is too nice to her staff and tries to manage based on friendship and coddles rather than pushing our interns and fellows
She lets herself take the easier role of "good cop" which forces the owner to always be "bad cop" to the staff which is horrible:(
she takes out her frustration by being sarcastic to the owner in front of staff and customers alike
Rather than properly whipping her staff into shape to prevent their repetitive errors
Basically, crap in the workplace is SUPPOSED to run DOWNHILL from superior to subordinate;)
And she allows crap to run UPHILL from her subordinates to her, then past her to the owner/surgeon!
This is clearly unacceptable and we cannot continue this upside-down workplace environment
Where she and the staff don't respect or protect his time and allow him to focus on surgery and use his MBA for biz dev

We need a MUCH more AGGRESSIVE and ASSERTIVE person
who understands it is his or her job to PROTECT the owner
To FULLY MANAGE THE STAFF and ELIMINATE THEIR DEFICIENCIES so he doesn't have to
Who will assume the role of BAD COP to STAFF, PATIENTS, and VENDORS so the owner can be the good cop
Who understands the goal is to take the boss's side in every conflict,
not take the other party's side (Stockholm syndrome)
Who gets that she (or he) must make the owner happy primarily, not the janitor!;)

For example, last week, on a surgery day, she went out for 15 min to get lunch, came back and ate it in 15 min
So far, so good, because as Manager she's cutting her lunch short to get through the surgery cases on time
But she knows the owner hasn't gone for lunch and sees him inhaling a power bar before going into our OR
Does she offer him any of her lunch? No, even though he's previously eaten and paid for her leftovers
Does she ask him if she can grab anything for him? No, even though he paid her subordinate to do so always
This is the worst part that demonstrates she has her priorities wrong:
Then she catches him eating an apple that was sitting in the refrigerator overnight and starts berating him:
"I saved that for the new premed intern who started last week—now you'll have to apologize to her!"
If you don't think this is insane we can't hire you

You MUST be LOYAL to your BOSS who is giving you $10,000-$20,000 in BONUS per year
And say things to the intern like: "I can't believe you took lunch when you know Dr. Chynn hasn't—
—run out now and get him something to eat, he'll pay you back,
and don't let me see you forget this again!"
THAT type of ATTITUDE is EXACTLY what our practice so vitally NEEDS!;)

if you have less experience than she does, you will be hired as Front Desk Manager/she will continue as Practice Manager
if you have more experience than she does, you will be hired as Practice Manager/she will continue as Front Desk Manager

don't worry about being hired above her, as she has already said she is OK with a demotion, and even a pay cut,
as she is overwhelmed as Office Manager
some of this is because we are now under-staffed (since the other person left),
but much of this is because she does not have the personality to control/discipline/manage staff

Regular Duties of Front Desk Manager:
answer phones, book appointments, pull charts, confirm appointments, rebalance schedule, verify and clear insurance, make sure superbills are filled out and sent to the outside biller, fill prescriptions, call prescriptions in, collect copays, check in and out patients, confirm they're taking their correct medications, answer basic medical questions over the phone, transfer harder questions to the MDs, document charts properly, call in preauthorizations for Restasis, confirm internet appointments in ZocDoc, run credit card terminal, ring up sales on POS Intuit system, nag the MDs to go quicker when they're taking too long, get the owner/surgeon when the MDs are really taking too long with a patient, supervise premed interns, organize the front desk area

Sales Duties of Front Desk Manager:
you will be paid a weekly bonus for asking happy patients for names of interested friends, scheduling those friends for free consultations, obtaining non-binding credit preauthorizations indicating likelihood of financing approval for all free consultations, asking happy patients to write testimonials, upselling patients who chose low-def to choose the more expensive but way better and affordable hi-def packages, getting nervous patients to pay for nitrous oxide

Compensation of Front Desk Manager:
1-2 years of prior experience at the front desk of a MDs office: $40,000 total
($30,000 base + $10,000 bonus paid weekly for sales activities)
3-4 years: $45,000 total ($35,000 base + $10,000 bonus paid weekly for sales activities)
5-6 years: $50,000 total ($40,000 base + $10,000 bonus paid weekly for sales activities)

Duties of Practice Manager:
ALL of the above duties of the Front Desk Manager, PLUS:
making sure bookkeeping reports to bookkeeper from Intuit system are accurate and timely, making sure bookkeeper conveys this info in a timely fashion to CPA, holding quarterly conference calls w bookkeper and CPA and owner to make sure they're communicating, speaking to outside biller weekly to make sure they have info they need to bill, sending biller 10 random chart notes/wk to make sure our MDs are coding/documenting properly, holding staff accountable, HR functions, eg payroll, making sure staff come on time and don't leave until last patient of day is checked out, documenting sick and vacation days, confirming and calling in bi-weekly payroll to ADP, supervising staff, fining staff or writing them up or otherwise disciplining or firing them for repetitive mistakes, running a VERY TIGHT SHIP which our current manager is NOT doing, holding the staff to high standards, dealing with any customer complaints, intermediating staff-staff conflict, supporting the owner, not the staff member in any disciplinary meeting (eg not making excuses for staff), presenting a UNITED FRONT with owner on ALL issues, adhering to protocol 100% and forcing all other staff members to do the same, in charge of all hiring and firing decisions with the owner, scheduling staff according primarily to practice's needs, not the staff's convenience, being a very good example to everyone always!

Sales Activities for the Practice Manager that will be paid bi-weekly:
In ADDITION to ALL the points noted above for the Front Desk Manager, you will get these ADDITIONAL opportunities for bonus:
setting up corporate discount programs at NYC companies with more than 100 employees, getting MDs and ODs to refer patients to us and use our center for open access, increasing insurance revenue, increasing copays collected, decreasing denied insurance payments, upselling packages, closing customers (getting free consultations to pay their non-refundable deposits), instituting positive practice protocols, enforcing existing protocols, decreasing supply costs, etc.

Compensation for Practice Manager:
based on years of experience as a PRACTICE MANAGER NOT SECRETARY at a MD's OFFICE:
1-2 years experience: $60,000 ($50k base + $10k bonus)
3-4 years experience: $70,000 ($55k base + $15k bonus)
5-6 years experience: $80,0000 ($60k base + $20k bonus)

Requirements for ALL candidates for BOTH positions—NOT NEGOTIABLE—
do NOT waste our time if you do not meet ALL of the following:
1. graduate of FOUR YEAR COLLEGE (NOT 2-year associates degree)
2. 5 YEARS of FULL-TIME work experience AFTER GRADUATION
3. 1 YEAR of FULL-TIME work experience AFTER graduation as either a Front Desk Manager or Practice Manager at MDs office
(dentist is ok, vet not)
4. ability to multi-task well and work quickly and perform effectively under pressure
5. ability to take criticism by our Harvard/Columbia/MENSA surgeon in a CONSTRUCTIVE manner
without getting defensive or discouraged
6. willingness to be PUSHED and want to GROW and SUCCEED both personally and professionally
7. strong attention to DETAIL and perfectionist-oriented
8. OK with part of compensation as BONUS for sales-related activities stated above
(guaranteed if you do these things, $0 if you do not)
9. hard-working, will come every day ON TIME and never leave early
(except for valid emergencies, for which personal time is allotted)
10. VERY SELF-CONFIDENT and a TAKE CHARGE personality,
SELF-STARTER with INITIATIVE, ENTREPRENURIAL, attractive personality, fashionable

OTHER BENEFITS BESIDES COMPENSATION STATED ABOVE:
2 weeks paid vacation time
1 week paid sick/personal time
(which you ARE supposed to use up by the end of the year, so if you're never sick, you get 3 weeks vacation!)
1 week of paid conference time (local management conferences in NYC
(for this to be paid you have to give a report and implement what you learned)
FULL MEDICAL + VISION BENEFITS INCLUDING PRESCRIPTION DRUG COVERAGE
FREE LASEK LASER VISION CORRECTION WORTH $7,000

we PREFER to always hire people in glasses and contacts who want to get rid of them,
as this is a HUGE BENEFIT and helps you later TREMENDOUSLY
with the sales activities that you are getting bonus for!:)

to apply to EXACTLY the following or do NOT apply:
1. carefully review our website, www.ParkAvenueLASEK.com
2. email us a note in your email text saying:
a) why you would be an asset to us,
b) WHY YOU WANT LASEK FOR YOURSELF,
c) any prior SALES experience, and
d) WHY YOU ARE CONFIDENT AND COMFORTABLE HAVING YOUR BONUS BASED ON SALES
3. attach your resume as a Word attachement to the SAME email
4. send the email to: dr@ParkAvenueLASEK and laser@ and PracticeManager@ (all end in .com)
5. you may OPTIONALLY include a picture, particularly if you have a sales/marketing background

the owner, current Front Desk/Practice Manager or one of the current MDs will email you to CALL US to set up an appt for an interview if we think you're qualified.
do NOT expect us to call you, we will email you and YOU HAVE TO CALL US AND MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
in the past, some candidates were not able to book an interview on the phone
(usually because they got an intern who didn't know exactly what to do),
so we are using this to SCREEN OUT people who are not ASSERTIVE or AGGRESSIVE enough to make it here
(as they will also be "unable" to figure out how to tell an intern what to do)!:)

congratulations on a VERY WELL PAYING JOB that provides total compensation and benefits
WELL IN EXCESS of what you can get elsewhere for a similar job,
in return for your being very hard-working, dedicated, and able to not only function,
but flourish in a very fast-paced, stressful environment!:)