Scientists Invent Magical Device That Will Save Our Sanity
Thank you, technology. Thank you, Japanese researchers.
Kazutaka Kurihara of the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology, and Koji Tsukada of Ochanomizu University, developed a portable "SpeechJammer" gun that can silence people more than 30m away.
Sure, this will no doubt create chaos if it falls into the wrong hands, but the benefits are unparalleled. Just imagine the places you could use it: The subway, family dinners, inane fights with your significant other, Santorum speeches.
The Japanese researchers, ever polite, have only the best intentions of how the device could be used.
Kurihara and Tsukada suggested the speech-jamming gun could be used to hush noisy speakers in public libraries or to silence people in group discussions who interrupt other people's speeches.
I think we can all agree there are much better uses. I'll take this over a hoverboard any day. Please let this be real.
