Best Classified Ad of All Time Seeks Metal Band Mates, No Blacks
Former Mudslide (I guess that's a band that existed?) frontman Steve Thunderbolt is ready to rock your face off with a new project he's putting together, and this is your golden opportunity to be a part of it. IT'S ONLY BEEN ATTEMPTED ONCE BEFORE IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF MUSIC! He may have blond hair, but he doesn't do glam songs: he's all thrash and metal. Just one thing: no blacks allowed, so don't even bother to respond if you're black. He's not racist, though. It's just a drugs and safety issue, as he practices in his home.
The full ad (bold ours):
Ex-Mudslide Frontman the great Steve Thunderbolt seeks a talented bassist and drummer to form a new heavy metal band. I play rhythm and lead guitar and sing. I play thrash, black, and glam metal. The only band in the history of heavy metal who has ever attempted this was Celtic Frost. It failed because they were too much glam and not enough black and thrash metal. I am the other way around, in that I have more black and thrash metal songs than I do glam songs, but I do have blonde hair so I have a glam image. I have a 12 track recorder and have made numerous cds for Mudslide including "Secret Right to Rock and Roll Reloaded," "Dragonfly of Passion," "Hollywood and Vine," "Columbia City Theater Live," "Studio 7 Live," "The Central Saloon Live 1 and 2," "Station 56 Live," "Chai House Live," "Colortura," "Merkava," "Dark Prophet," and our last album, "In My Final Hours." I have a lot of gigging experience and have my own amps and equipment. Please be over 21 and under 45. Alcohol and drugs are fine except for heroin and crack, so if you are into heroin or crack please do not respond to this ad. All races are welcome except for blacks, so if you are black, pleae do not respond to this ad. I am not racist, it is a drug issue and a safety issue and I cannot have black people at my house. I live in Issaquah and use my house as a practice space. So if you wanna do something that's only been attempted once before in the entire history of music, email mudsliderock@gmail.com or call 425-306-****. Belive me, where Celtic Frost failed, I will succeed.
Countdown until Mr. Thunderbolt blames the ad on his newsletter writer and claims he had no affiliation with it….
