Last week, three tourists watching a staged "Old West"-style gunfight in the South Dakota tourist town of Hill City were shot. Like, actually shot! One of those victims was Carrol Knutson, a visitor from Minnesota. And if there's one thing Carrol Knutson knows, it's this: she was shot by a god damn bullet. "Hospital staff told her a bullet shattered her fibula," for one thing. So she just, you know, came to that conclusion. Whoa there, little lady!

But the lead investigator says officers have not yet determined what happened at the shootout that is supposed to use blanks.

I mean, yes, Carrol, your fibula was shattered by what doctors might call a "bullet," in addition to the two other people who were "shot," by, well, unknown objects. But what really happened out there? The local sheriff says the investigation could take months. Months! What the fuck could possibly take months, once they send they god damn guns off to the state lab? "Once at the lab, he said, it could take a while, depending on how busy the lab is."

Never get shot in South Dakota. Or anywhere else, really. But especially not in South Dakota.

[Photo: Shutterstock]