Aw, snap, y'all. All of that sleeping around has finally caught up with the kids of Skins and everybody, EVERYBODY, has got themselves an STD.

[There was a video here]

Well, maybe not everybody, but Lesbian Tea, Smooth Tony and Hot Michelle sure do! You see, despite being Michelle's boyfriend, Ol' Tones has been having quite the active sex life around River Mountains High School (yes, that is the school name that the writers came up with). It's not that surprising when you consider what a charismatic sex robot he is- just kidding! It's TOTALLY surprising because Tony is the worst! He's tiny, looks bad at sex, doesn't have much of a mouth and is a big jerk to all of his friends. Even high school girls would have more sense than to like a douche like that (granted the guy I crushed out on for most of high school wore a backwards Dave Matthews Band hat everyday, so maybe I'm wrong). But this is the AmeriSkins universe and in the AmeriSkins universe the girls like Tony. FINE.

One girl who likes Tony is Tea. Tea is an out and proud lesbian, but there's something about Tony's raw masculinity and weak jaw that she can't resist. You know how lesbians are- always making due with women until the right man comes along in the form of Ben Affleck (imagine it's still 2003 and this joke will be much funnier) or a high school boy with narrow shoulders and rad high tops (lesbians can't resist high tops). Anyway, Tea and Tony do a little sexual experimenting. Now, I'm not against a show exploring bisexuality amongst teenagers. In fact, I'm definitely for a show exploring an issue as complex and often ignored as bisexuality, but this whole plot line seemed wrong. Maybe it's because there really aren't many teen lesbians on popular television (I can't think of any, but that doesn't mean there are none). It's annoying that MTV took the opportunity to portray a lesbian who's comfortable with her sexuality and blew it by having her waiver with as big a jerkface as Tony. Ultimately, she ends it with him and decides to attempt a relationship with another girl, but still, the whole thing is obnoxious.

After going to the gynecologist to get a prescription for birth control, Michelle (who is definitely straight and totes in <3 with Tony) gets a call telling her that she's tested positive for Chlamydia. (Side note: the scene at the gynecologist office was gross and unrealistic. Don't let it scare you away from the doctor, girl teens!) Though there have been clues to Tony's unfaithfulness all along, this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. She punches him in front of the entire cafeteria and publicly announces how diseased he is (usual high school dramz, yo!). For revenge, she later tries to sleep with Tony's best friend Stanley (who has long harbored feelings for Michelle), but things don't go as planned after Stanley ends up jizzing all over her hand (I watched this scene with my mom in the room. It was fun!). Except for Stanley, Michelle is mad at everyone in the group for keeping Tony's infidelities a secret. She becomes even angrier after discovering that she and Tea are on the same antibiotics (to clear up that pesky Chlamydia) and that Tea has in fact gone to town on the Tone Bone.

After throwing all of the photos of her and Tony into a hot tub (not the most dramatic way to destroy pictures in my humble opinion), Michelle invites him over to talk. And by talk she means bang because that's what seventeen year olds do (apparently?). After their sexin', when Tony is all but a sweaty lumpy heap, Michelle then dumps him, saying that she only slept with him because he's the only one she couldn't give Chlamydia to. Then she decides to run away via the Chinatown bus to Boston. We don't know what will happen there, but I'm guessing that she'll die on the Boston streets as a disease-riddled prostitute (again, usual high school stuff).