Does anyone tune in to American Idol to see quality singing anymore? Of course not! We tune in to see the inevitable turnout of nut jobs. Here are last night's best:

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Auditions for last night's season premiere were held in New Jersey, so the folks at Idol spent a good portion of time exploiting Garden State stereotypes. Here's Tiffany Rios teaching us the right way to tease our hair before she goes into the audition and sobs on J. Lo. She also has cut-out stars taped to her breasts, natch.

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If there's one thing this show is known for, it's treating the contestants with dignity. This was evident as they introduce Britney Spears-loving weirdo Ashley Sullivan by having her pop out of a porta-potty.

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Lastly (and in keeping with Idol's time-honored tradition of making fun of foreigners), we have Yoji Pop, a Japanese Michael Jackson impersonator who claims to have kicked off his impersonating career in utero. Rather than perform any Michael Jackson, he sings a Miley Cyrus song, you know, because the two artists are pretty interchangeable talent-wise.