TONIGHT: Jorge Garcia guest stars on HIMYM, Dancing with the Stars nears its conclusion and begets Skating with the Stars and Chuck flirts with danger. Plus a great John Lennon doc on American Masters.

8:00 PM

How I Met Your Mother Ted spends Thanksgiving with nemesis Zoey because it's less a sitcom and more a simulacrum of real life. Also, Jorge Garcia guest stars as "the Blitz," a college pal who brings bad luck with him everywhere he goes, which seems familiar, I don't know why. (CBS)
Chuck Now that Chuck has been kidnapped by the Belgian, Sarah goes rogue to get him back. (NBC)
House A man (Kuno Becker) falls ill after reenacting the Crucifixion; Taub questions his wife (Jennifer Crystal Foley) about her relationship with a member of an infidelity support group; Wilson's relationship with Sam (Cynthia Watros) takes a sudden turn after they attend a co-worker's wedding. (FOX)
Dancing with the Stars The three remaining couples perform two dances and the audience will boo Bristol Palin. (ABC)

9:00 PM

Skating with the Stars Yes, that's right. A DWTS spin-off about figure skating featuring Bethenny Frankel, Vince Neil and a handful of other non-celebrities you shouldn't care about. (ABC, starts at 9:11 for some reason)
Lie to Me Lightman stitches together the memory of an Alzheimer's Patient and avoids something dreadful from happening. (FOX)
The Event Jason Ritter and his girlfriend search for her kidnapped sister and are as incompetent as possible while, as we all saw in about a million promos that ran over the weekend, Thomas points a gun at Sophia. (NBC)
Two and a Half Men Charlie spends money wildly for his old lover Courtney, who returns after spending three years in prison. Too... many... jokes. (CBS)
My Big Friggin' Wedding More shenanigans as the world's most dreadful people plan their nuptials. (VH1)
American Masters "LENNONYC" chronicles the time John Lennon spent living in NYC from 1971 until his death. This is really something worth watching. (PBS)
In Treatment Sunil is bothered by his daughter-in-law's relationship with an author, but Paul is more concerned about his patient's recent unsettling dream. (HBO)

9:30 PM

In Treatment Paul delves into Frances' anxiety, but she steers the discussion back to his concern for her sister, a former patient. (HBO)
Mike and Molly Molly invites Mike over for Thanksgiving but has no idea how to prepare the meal, which, jokes aside, makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. (CBS)

10:00 PM

Chelsea's Big Interview Special Chelsea Handler interviews Gwyneth Paltrow, Anne Hathaway and Christina Aguilera. It's like a Barbara Walters type thing but with more references to alcoholism. (E!)
Chase A deadly fugitive with a haunted past goes on the lam with his teenage girlfriend, whom he has manipulated with promises of romance and adventure and freedom from her domineering father. This is probably one of your last chances to watch this show. (NBC)
Hawaii Five-O Danny's ex-wife assists Five-0 in a baffling investigation when highly skilled thieves kill two security guards in an armored car heist but leave behind the money. (CBS)
World of Jenks Season 1 wraps up in Abilene, Texas, where Jenks profiles a high-school football star who's preparing for his senior season and his mother's release from prison. (MTV)

Who's on the Late Night Couches Tonight?

Conan Christina Aguilera, Zachary Levi (TBS)
The Daily Show: President Barack Obama (Comedy Central, repeat)
The Colbert Report: Martha Stewart (Comedy Central, repeat)
Jimmy Kimmel Live: Billy Bob Thornton, Stana Katic, Train (ABC)
Lopez Tonight: Tom Felton, Ne-Yo (TBS)
Chelsea Lately Single security guards, John Caparulo, Arden Myrin, Ryan Stout (E!)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Dane Cook, Taylor Swift, Keri Hilson (NBC)
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: David Hyde Pierce, Bobby Flay (NBC)
Last Call with Carson Daly Ben Nemtin & Duncan Penn, Seth Gordon, Villagers (NBC, repeat)
Late Show with David Letterman: Natalie Portman, Jay Pharaoh, Jessica Simpson (CBS)
Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Ben Stein, Dr. Lisa Masterson, the Very Best (CBS)