[There was a video here]

The mysterious "missile launch" off the California coast yesterday illuminated our national death wish, as millions feared/hoped that a nuclear ICBM was about to rain hot death all over a deadly-boring Tuesday. But it was just an airplane.

According to NASA and Pentagon experts, the "missile" was really an airliner which caused "a billowing contrail off Southern California that resembled a missile plume illuminated by the setting sun." An optical illusion made it look like it was shooting straight into the sky. Crap... what are we going to do with all these "I Survived the California Missile" T-shirts?