TONIGHT: We've got the much-anticipated premiere of Conan! Also, new episodes of Mike & Molly, Chase, Hawaii Five-0, Dancing with the Stars, How I Met Your Mother, Chuck, House, 90210, Gossip Girl, The Event, Lie to Me, and much more!

8:00 PM

Dancing with the Stars The eighth week of performances includes the debut of an Instant Dance challenge, in which contestants learn the song they'll be dancing to shortly before they perform (ABC)
House At Cuddy's insistence, House finally hires a female member of the team, a third-year medical student (Amber Tamblyn) who, it turns out, has a tie to Taub. Meanwhile, a senator's campaign manager (Jack Coleman) suddenly falls ill, and the team must look to the candidate (Pat Finn) for clues about his condition. They also must get Cuddy's approval for their course of treatment. (FOX)
90210 Adrianna breaks a date with Navid when Victor fixes her up with Joe Jonas (appearing as himself). Meanwhile, Annie and Dixon visit their dad and a woman greets them at the door; Navid and Silver plan an undercover operation to expose his father's use of underage girls in his porn films. (CW)
How I Met Your Mother Ted meets Zoey's husband, the Captain (Kyle MacLachlan), when the gang goes to a fund-raiser at the Natural History Museum. (CBS)

8:30 PM

Rules of Engagement Jeff and Audrey find a surrogate, and Russell's mother (Joan Collins) visits him. (CBS)

9:00 PM

Gossip Girl Nate questions Juliet after her big secret is revealed. Elsewhere, Blair and Chuck agree to a truce and attempt to have a platonic relationship; and Nate and Dan realize they're not over Serena. (CW)
The Event Martinez orders Sterling to find the mole; Sophia reinforces her control of Thomas and the other detainees, and prepares them for the next portion of their mission; Sean's search for answers is aided by new face Madeline (Paula Malcomson). (NBC)
Lie to Me Cal investigates a coal-mine explosion that killed six miners, and he suspects foul play. So to prove it he goes into the mine. Meanwhile, the FBI seeks the Lightman Group's aid again, and Foster and Torres offer to work pro bono. (FOX)
Two and a Half Men Charlie and Alan plays matchmaker for Evelyn and try to set her up with Russell (Martin Mull), the pharmacist. (CBS)

9:30 PM

Mike & Molly Molly is troubled by Mike's snoring problem. (CBS)

10:00 PM

Castle Beckett and Castle discover the brutal kidnapping of a boy while investigating the shooting death of a subway worker in Central Park. (ABC)
Chase The squad doesn't much like it when a U.S. Marshal impersonator starts gunning down fugitive escapees, and Annie takes it extremely personal when he turns the tables on her. Meanwhile, a surprise visitor causes a rift between Luke and the team. (NBC)
Hawaii Five-0 Danny's ex-partner in the Honolulu Police Department is murdered and his body is found in a barbecue pit during a luau. The investigation reveals the death may be connected to corrupt cops and a powerful cocaine cartel. (CBS)

Who's on the Late Night Couches Tonight?

Conan Seth Rogen, Lea Michele, Jack White (TBS)
The Daily Show Gov. Rick Perry (Comedy Central)
The Colbert Report Reza Aslan (Comedy Central)
Jimmy Kimmel Live!: Adam Carolla, Neil Diamond (ABC)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Baker, N.E.R.D. (NBC)
Lopez Tonight: Janet Jackson, Antoine Dodson, Rooney (TBS)
Chelsea Lately Keenan Cahill, Josh Wolf, Sarah Colonna, Chris Franjola (E!)
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Scarlett Johansson, Chris Morris, Toots & the Maytals (NBC)
Late Show with David Letterman: Harrison Ford, Cee-Lo Green (CBS)
Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Tom Selleck, Myq Kaplan (CBS)