TONIGHT: We've got the series premieres of Lone Star, The Event, Mike & Molly, Chase, and Hawaii Five-0, the season premieres of Dancing with the Stars, HIMYM, House, Chuck, Rules of Engagement, and Two and a Half Men, and more!

8:00 PM

90210 Naomi is able to access her trust fund and decides to throw herself a birthday party. (CW)
Dancing with the Stars In the 11th-season opener, 12 couples perform either the Viennese waltz or the cha-cha. Competitors include Florence Henderson, Bristol Palin, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Rick Fox, Kurt Warner, David Hasselhoff and Jennifer Grey. (ABC)
How I Met Your Mother In the sixth-season opener, Ted runs into Cindy (Rachel Bilson), whom he dated briefly—and who is also the roommate of his future wife; Robin is having a difficult time getting over Don; and Marshall can't stop talking about starting a family. (CBS)
House Season 7 premiere: House and Cuddy explore their feelings toward each other amid a crisis at the hospital: the threatened loss of its Level 1 status as a trauma center because the only available neurosurgeon (George Wyner) is sick. (FOX)
Chuck Season 4 opens with Chuck engaging in a sweeping quest to find his mother (Linda Hamilton), all while keeping the rogue mission a secret from his sister. (NBC)
Little People, BIg World The Roloff boys go camping, and chaos ensues. Meanwhile, the ladies visit the Oregon coast, but broken cameras and seasickness dampen the fun. (TLC)

8:30 PM

Little People, BIg World Zach gets a job offer to portray a leprechaun, which prompts him to think about his future and address his dwarfism in new ways. (TLC)
Rules of Engagement In the fifth-season opener, Jeff and Audrey are surprised by some news about their potential surrogate mother, Pam. (CBS)

9:00 PM

Gossip Girl Zach gets a job offer to portray a leprechaun, which prompts him to think about his future and address his dwarfism in new ways. (CW)
Lone Star The series premiere introduces Bob Allen (James Wolk), a second-generation con man who wants to leave the family business and go straight while keeping his two identities—-and two relationships—-intact. (FOX)
The Event The series about a spectacular conspiracy gets underway with everyman Sean Walker (Jason Ritter) looking into the disappearance of his girlfriend Leila (Sarah Roemer) from a Caribbean cruise. (NBC)
Two and a Half Men In the eighth-season opener, Jake goes to live with his mom and Herb when he finds out that his dad is dating Eldridge's mom; and Charlie thinks it's time to cut back on his drinking. (CBS)
Kate Plus 8 Yay, exploitation of minors! (TLC)

9:30 PM

Mike & Molly Teacher Molly Flynn and Chicago police officer Mike Biggs fall in love when, in the opener, they meet at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and Molly invites Mike to speak to her fourth-grade class about his job. (CBS)
Rob Dydrek's Fantasy Factory Big-wave surfer Laird Hamilton invites Rob to Hawaii, where he'll attempt to surf for the very first time. (MTV)

10:00 PM

Chase Action-adventure series about a team of U.S. Marshals tracking down fugitive criminals in the American Southwest kicks off with a case about a prison escapee (Travis Fimmel) who just committed a double homicide during a home invasion after being on the run for five years. (NBC)
Hawaii Five-0 An elite task force probes high-level crimes in this reboot of the classic series. In the opener, decorated naval officer Steve McGarrett (Alex O'Loughlin) investigates his father's murder and is persuaded by the governor to head up a new police squad that answers directly to her. (CBS)
Thintervention with Jackie Warner Tempers flare as the clients' pound-shedding program advances, with the group trying to hash out their differences over dinner. (Bravo)
Weeds A parking violation could lead to Nancy and the gang being identified, so they have to go on the lam again, scuttling Silas' plan to attend college. Meanwhile, Ignacio and Cesar take Doug hostage. (Showtime)

10:30 PM

The Big C Cathy stumbles upon Adam watching pornography and later gets involved with a new man, the school's muralist (Idris Elba). (Showtime)

Who's on the Late Night Couches Tonight?

The Daily Show Jimmy Carter (Comedy Central)
The Colbert Report Pavement (Comedy Central)
Jimmy Kimmel Live!: Courteney Cox, Bruno Tonioli, Phoenix (ABC)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Justin Timberlake, Jane Lynch, OK Go (NBC)
Lopez Tonight: Eric Dane, Cloris Leachman, Daughtry (TBS)
Chelsea Lately Meghan McCain, Josh Wolf, Heather McDonald, Gary Valentine (E!)
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: Julianna Margulies, Cory Monteith, Superchunk (NBC)
Late Show with David Letterman: Bill Clinton, Chromeo (CBS)
Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson: Mindy Kaling, Steve Hartman (CBS)