Is there any more reliably ridiculous demographic than "Manhattan heiress?" They have so much money they can bribe the whole world into dealing with their zany neuroses. Here's one woman, Dana Hammond, who is irrationally afraid of HIV.

Dana Hammond is an heiress to the Annenberg fortune and a frequent attendee at soirees in Manhattan and the Hamptons, as well as being a huge HIV paranoiac. This week, the Times published an account of a Polish housekeeper who is suing Hammond for refusing to hire her before she underwent an HIV test and produced a negative result. The housekeeper says Hammond's phobia runs so deep that she got an HIV test herself "after a recent encounter with a toilet that seemed unclean." As anyone who is not a dumb heiress knows, you may get a weird butt rash from a dirty toilet seat—but not AIDS.

Hammond's HIV obsession goes way back. We hear that a few years ago she interviewed a man for a position as a butler at her apartment just off Park Avenue. She asked him if he was gay (which by itself is a big employment no no). When he said yes, she freaked out about the possibility that he had HIV and told him he'd have to get an HIV test from her husband, a doctor, before being hired.

There are about three dozen things wrong with this. But on the upside: If you ever meet anyone who works for Dana Hammond, you've essentially got carte blanche to have a bunch of unprotected sex with them! The worst you're going to get is herpes.