Kirstie Alley was on Today this morning hawking Organic Liaison, her weight-loss rip-off. Asked if all the (true) claims about the link between Organic Liaisons and Scientology are true, which they are, she said, "Bullshit."

Alley scoffed at claims that the "top executives" of Organic Liaison are associated with Scientology: "Top executives? I'm the top executive!" Indeed you are, Alley, and you are a Scientologist. So is your accountant. So are at least two of the five members of Organic Liaison's advisory board. So is virtually everyone who lives or works within a 500 meter radius of Organic Liaison's headquarters in Clearwater, Fla., a town that your cult essentially commandeered on the orders of L. Ron Hubbard.

But consumers who are stupid, lazy, and desperate enough to buy Alley's vitamin pills need not fear—no Organic Liaison profits will go to the cult, because Alley is "way to cheap to do that." That's true—she's only given Scientology a measly $5 million over the course of her billions of years of existence.