The former head of Britain's intelligence service says that the three-headed monster known as Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld fetishized, and were inspired by, Jack Bauer's torture techniques.

Quoted in British newspaper The Independent, former MI5 chief Dame Eliza said: "Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld certainly watched 24" and that "the Americans were very keen that people like us did not discover what they were doing."

When asked by the reporter if this was true, a senior Pentagon official said, "We are not aware of their television habits." The official was not asked about rumors — that we have just made up — that the three men were involved in some kind of torture-watching circle jerk.