Imagine being so rich that world events literally could not affect you. This is Larry King's life, basically. Today King flew commercial for the first time since 9/11. He was surprised how much things had changed. King got groped. Why?

Today, Larry King spoke at George Washington University and, for some reason, he flew commercial from LA. There is something sort of sad about the item covering his experience in the Washington Examiner. In it, a bewildered Larry King narrates his very standard airport security experience as if it were an alien abduction. From the Examiner:

King, miffed that he even had to take off his shoes to go through security at Los Angeles International Airport, set off an alarm when he walked through the metal detector.

"So when you fail the test, which is what I did, I failed the security test, they had to give me the complete body search," the CNN host said.

They make you take off your shoes!? What are you going to do, fill them with plastic explosives and attempt to blow up a plane? Also, what is a "laptop computer" and why does it need to be removed from its case?

Then, things got REALLY WEIRD. Or, if you are not lucky enough to be so old and rich that you exist apart from history, completely normal:

"So I had to stand there with [my] arms [out], and they are talking with me at the same time, 'loved the show last night, turn over your belt,' and then they grab you by the privates," he said. "They examined me pretty good."

Unbelievable: It's almost like the TSA was functioning in a normal and efficient way. (Don't even ask what happened when Larry tried to light his cigar on the plane.)

This tragedy is compounded by the fact that, as Rumor Rat notes, Larry King's enormous contract with CNN stipulates that they provide him access to a private jet. (He pushed for increased access in 2002.) Last year, in fact, King skipped a New York Police Athletic League fundraiser because he "doesn't fly commercial" and was unable to secure a private jet from Los Angeles.

Larry King did see a buddy on his flight, though:

So, Why is Larry King flying commercial? Is CNN really sucking out that bad? This is serious: Everyone knows that when Larry has to rub shoulders with common people his skin sloughs off in thin, transparent sheets. Email us with the deets.