Bin Laden, if he wasn't living in a cave, would apparently drive a Prius. In a new audio message he lays into the US for causing global warming, and singles out George W. Bush for not ratifying the Kyoto treaty.

"All industrial nations, mainly the big ones, are responsible for the crisis of global warming," he says in the tape, which has not been verified but is thought to be Bin Laden, according to the BBC. "This is a message to the whole world about those who are causing climate change, whether deliberately or not, and what we should do about that." He added that "Bush the son, and the [US] Congress before him, rejected this agreement [the Kyoto protocol] only to satisfy the big companies."

Authorities should concentrate their search for Bin Laden in the following places: Whole Foods (look for the guy in the beard with the reusable bag). Brooklyn. San Francisco. Seattle. Although, to be fair, a cave in Tora Bora is pretty eco-friendly.