Project Runway is all about vision and delusion. The vision to make designers use difficult fabrics. The delusion that burlap must be ugly. The vision to give the models control. The delusion that anyone cares what they think.

That's right, this week our coven of clever cutters was dropped off at the farm like a Gabor sister in the theme song for a sitcom that we've never actually watched. Their challenge this week was to make a party dress out of a potato sack in a day. What? A difficult fabric? Design restrictions? Time restraints? Now this is the show we signed up for! Finally, a unique challenge that was going to provide some drama and some great results.

As Peggy Lee once sang, she could make a dress out of a feed bag and could make a man out of you, but making the men this time were the models, who served as the designers' clients. What a perfect time to talk about:

Things We Hated:

  • Giving the Models a Voice: Not only did the models get to have input into their dresses, but they also got to pick their designers. I'm going to say this one more time: No one gives a fuck about the models! Their job is to be breathing dress forms, not to have personalities, thoughts, ideas, notions, tantrums, opinions, or fits. They are to show up, put on a dress, walk down the runway, and go home to be as promptly forgotten about as the girl who checks out your groceries at the Whole Foods. Actually, they are exactly like those girls, except sometimes a green apron is better than what the model has on. Stop trying to make the models happen. We all know this is only for The Show That Dare Not Speak Its Name, which only makes the sting worse.
  • Model Hugs: How come every time the designers see their models they have to screech and hug? You haven't seen each other in two days and they're clutching at each other with the intensity of 13-year-old girls who run into each other in the hallway after not seeing each other for two periods. As Uncle Joey says, cut it out! Say hi and get to work like normal coworkers.
  • Ignoring the Challenge: This is just stupid and will always land you in the bottom, no matter how your look looks. If they didn't want the designers to follow a set of rules they would just throw a bunch of fabric at them and say "make something." Then what would we have? Oh yeah, last season.
  • Jesus: Speaking of ignoring the challenge, Jesus only seems capable of designing the worst dresses that are in the Upper East Side closet of the poorest socialite in America. They are old and boring and lame. His bowtie also looks like a 4-year-old's face after eating three Sour Patch Kids at once. We hate you Jesus and you should have gone home.

Things We Loved:

  • No One Listened to the Models: Every time the models get to be the client someone is stuck with a giggling idiot model and the designer doesn't have the strength to say no and makes something ugly to please the model. Finally, all these designers knew that, just like the rest of us, the judges don't care what the model wants, they just want to see something cute. The only time they ask the model if they're happy is if the look is ugly. The best strategy is always to make something great and render the models mute, as they should be.
  • A Strong Showing: There were so many cute looks, when they were all marching down the runway, I had no idea who would land in the top. That is a much better feeling than not giving a shit about any of them, and a welcome reminder that the real reason we all tune in is to watch talented people make something beautiful out of nothing, which they did this week in spades.
  • Points of View: It's only been two weeks and we're already starting to see the designers' personalities. This also makes for a great season and we just can't wait for some of them to be gone (sorry guys!) so that we can learn more about them.
  • Shit Talking: The more, the better. No villain has emerged yet, but Anthony and Jonathan definitely aren't afraid to dish. The great part is that they have the talent to back it up, unlike some people in the past. The only thing we like better than a cute frock is a wonderful bitchy quip, so keep them coming!
  • Ping: You are fucking nuts and we love you, Ping. You make crazy dresses and you say crazy things, and you will forever have a place in our hearts, even after episode four when you go to the great gallery of wacky designers in the sky.
  • Lauren Hutton: Smart, informed, and gorgeous at any age, this is the kind of guest judge we should have every week. She wasn't the most eloquent, but when sitting next to Queen Tangerine, she must have been wondering how he gets his "natural glow" instead of looking at the dresses, so we forgive her.

In the end, it was Pamela Ptakadactyl who got sent home for making something that looked like a failed submission by a junior designer trying to get a job at Ralph Lauren's line for Wal-Mart. Jesus probably should have been sent home for being just like a dog with diarrhea and creating something limp and brown far too often for our liking, but anything that laces up the back like Pamela's dress deserves to be sent packing straight away. Jay got the win for his black fitted dress with a feathery skirt and blue trim. If it's a compliment to say it's what Charo would wear to cha-cha, then we're going with that.

Our favorites of the week were Amy's flirty garment that didn't try to hide it's burlap roots but incorporated it into the design. Also giving a strong showing was our man Jesse with a Revolutionary War pants creation, Emilio who brought Betty Draper's wallpaper to life for the second week in a row, and Jonathan who had a sleek and sophisticated dress that was both young and classic at the same time. Yes we root for the gays.

Find out more about what we liked in the videos!

Round One
 Context: Milla attacks Anthony because her model in the previous challenge chose to work with Anthony rather than her.
Vision: That she was a bad designer because some stupid model picked Anthony over her.
Delusion: Like a model's slight was really going to cause her to lose to Anthony. She answered back with a great dress and Anthony ended up with something boring—but he did have some better things to say than she did.
What Would Nina Say: "Why are you listening to a model?!"
Dramometer: 6

Under the Gunn
 Context: Grampa Gunn gets his BVDs in a bundle because Jay doesn't have enough time to get everything done.
Vision: To die the burlap, cut it up, and add a bunch of blue trim and not have enough time to get it all done.
Delusion: Usually not listening to Tim is the biggest delusion of all, but this time, it ended up capturing him a win.
What Would Nina Say: "I want to run my fingers through your maribu."
Dramometer: 4

Round Two
 Context: Jonathan doesn't get our beloved Ping and lays into her dress because the model's ass hangs out of it. We love Jonathan.
Vision: That he needs to point out the obvious which, in this case, is the poor girl's butt cheeks.
Delusion: That it's going to matter. Ping is going to send her creation before the judges and they are going to give her a slap on the wrist and send her zany ass back to create more good television.
What Would Nina Say: "Is there a draft in here, or is that just your model?"
Dramometer: 5

Runway Arrogance
 Context: Amy's dress walks down the runway.
Vision: Not listening to her stupid model who wanted something with huge sleeves and showing some sack by keeping a sack a sack, but making it a flowing, glamorous dyed sack.
Delusion: No delusion here, except the judges who didn't give her the win.
What Would Nina Say: "I don't know how to describe this feeling coming over me."
Dramometer: 3

Back Talk
 Context: Ping tries to confuse the judges from noticing that her dress doesn't cover all the necessary areas by talking about crazy shit like skin color and "County Fair Potato Parties."
Vision: Befuddling the judges with both your design and your speech, but being cool enough to convince them to let you stick around.
Delusion: That it will work forever.
What Would Nina Say: See for yourself!
Dramometer: 3