In case you didn't hear, developers are turning '80s and '90s Chelsea superclub Limelight into a shopping mall during the worst economic downturn in recent history. There will be brownies and a sneaker gallery! It's even worse than we imagined.

Retail developer Jack Menashe masterminded the whole transformation. A look at the Limelight Marketplace website and this Real Deal article feature the pictures of the new space, which intends to be stores, restaurants, specialty food shops, and little carts all selling crazy fun things for tourists to haul back to wherever they came from. Sadly 75% of the 60 store spaces are already leased.

Established retailers that have already signed on are Caswell Massey, America's oldest retailer (they made George Washington's cologne), and Hunter Boots, the 150-year-old firm that supplies boots to England's Royal Family. New York newcomers include Mari's New York — Mari Tuttle was a chef at Balthazar's, and this is her artisanal brownie business — It's Sugar, a candy store created by Jeff Rubin, co-creator of Dylan's Candy Bar, Carter & Cavero Old World Olive Oil, and Silly Souls, a baby goods store.

It's basically going to be South Street Seaport on Sixth Avenue and 20th Street, where murderous club kid Michael Alig once walked around dressed as a demonic Ronald McDonald and handed out tablets of E like they were chicklets. Ah, progress.

Thankfully, the former church will retain some of the architectural flourishes that made it distinct, but its soul will be crushed by the feet of ten thousand fat visitors from Texas.

This is the first time we've ever seen the outside of the Limelight in the daylight.

In 1996, we once saw the inside of the Limelight in exactly the same way. Massive doses of Ketamine were involved.

They're going to have cotton candy! Just what we needed.

The real problem with this whole scheme is like it is a club with no velvet rope. "Real" New Yorkers will never shop in a place that looks like a mall where all the visitors go.

There will be carts at the Limelight Marketplace. If you need to get a hat embroidered with the name of your boyfriend, you'll know where to go. Also, no sophisticated shopping space has carts.

They also plan on selling a lot of food. We know this is a country full of fat people, but this still seems odd.

The first floor will host all the little gourmet food stores and restaurants. And don't forget the festival of shops. They're so happy to be there, it's a party!

The second floor is where all the home goods and beauty supplies will be. It is also home to the sneaker gallery, in case you ever need to go somewhere to see children and straight boys pout when their mothers or wives won't let them buy a ridiculous priced pair of rainbow-colored Nikes.

This is where the VIP bottle service is. Ha! Just kidding. But there will be music and fashion!