Lady Gaga stopped by for a superfluous visit to badly lip sync "Bad Romance." There were plenty of bad romantic decisions as totally yucky couples started to come together and ruin the power dynamics on the Upper East Side.

The only thing more sickening than Gossip Girl (the narrator, not the show) and her repeated James Frey references was the writers ruining some good story lines with bad choices. We actually liked Olivia, and now she's getting the boot so that Dan can get it on with Vanessa, Our Lady of the Dreads. And just when slutty Serena was about to bag major hottie Trip, it looks like nelly Nate is going to be the one to win the hooker's heart of gold. Disgusting. After this boring episode, nearly everyone is on the decline!

Dorota:
Power Play: Helps herself to Olivia's outlets to plug in Blair's towel warmer: +2
Total: +2
Season to Date: 44
Power Position: Down

Blair:
Fashion Points: Just because you wear a beret does not mean you're arty: -2
Personality Flaw: Her sexual tension radar is tuned to perfection: +1
Power Play: Wouldn't be threatened by Willow Weinstein: +1, Knows something is up between Vanessa and Olivia: +1, Gets cast as the evil, aging queen: -3, Cause it's kinda perfect: +1, Can call in favors to Lady Gaga. No wonder the art fags love her: +5
Quip: "I don't converse with liars or Lewinskys": +1
Social Schemes: Finally assuming her rightful place as queen of the Tisch art fags: +1, Uses a movie star to advance her agenda: +2, Uses the threeway to exploit Olivia and Vanessa: +2, Her machinations get Dan into his playwriting program: +1
Total: 11
Season to Date: 27
Power Position: Up

Chuck:
Money: Has to do all sorts of menial things to impress wealthy hotel guests: -1
Personality Flaw: See's a little bit of himself in Jenny, and she's not that amazing, or bisexual: -2
Social Schemes: Saves Jenny from doing drugs: -1 (we wanna see druggie Jenny so bad!)
WTF: Has to go to the Statue of Liberty like some fat Midwestern tourist: -1
Total: -5
Season to Date: 22
Power Position: Down

Olivia:
Fashion Points: A simple rule of thumb: if your earrings are bigger than your hand and uglier than sin, maybe you shouldn't wear them: -2
Power Play: Knows Bitches of Eastwick is a bad idea: +2, Her and Vanessa are living in one seriously awkward dorm room: -1, Takes the stupid witch movie anyway: -3
Sexual Intrigue: Gets her man into the cabaret: +2, Embarrasses Dan in public by telling him that he's in love with Vanessa: +2, Dan chooses her over Vanessa: +1, She doesn't want anyone who has been tainted by Vanessa's evil talons: +1
Social Schemes: Teams up with Blair: +1, Fighting over Dan. Come on, she could have anyone: -1, Uses the play to see if Dan and Vanessa are in love. This girl has read Hamlet: +2
WTF: Don't leave the show! We were just starting to like you, Lizzy McGuire: -2 (one point for each of the tears we shed)
Total: 2
Season to Date: 0
Power Position: Up

Serena:
Fashion Points: Chainlink fence necklace: -1, Her dress looked appropriate for work on top, but later we see that the skirt is up to her cooch and she's wearing brown printed hooker stockings: -3, Resists urge to wear a blue dress when playing the part of the easy political intern: +1
Personality Flaw: Doesn't know the different between love and lust: -2
Sexual Intrigue: Is distracting a U.S. Rep with her ample bosom: +1, Self aware enough to know that if she is in the same room as Trip, she'll end up fucking him: +2, Tries real, real hard not to be slutty: +1, Since Trip wants to break up with his wife, her boobs are basically a boobie prize: -2, Was just waiting for the first excuse to stop being virtuous and start getting dirty: -3, Is single-handedly destroying the career of an elected official: +1
Total: -5
Season to Date: -2
Power Position: Down

Nate:
Boring: Doesn't want Dan to have a threeway, doesn't want Serena to slut it up, doesn't want to go see Gaga. Lame: -1
Family Secrets: His mother knows more about what is going on than he does: -2
Fashion Points: Manbangs are back: +1
Personality Flaw: He is like the Anne Landers of Gossip Girl, since when did everyone start coming to him for advice?: +2
Power Play: Serena goes to him for help: +1, Tries to persuade Serena not to fuck Trip: +2, Doesn't realize that trying to make Serena not slutty is a losing gambit: -3, What kind of gay misses a free Lady Gaga concert?: -2
Sexual Intrigue: Thinks it's nasty to have a threeway with Vanessa. Finally, someone says it: +3, Has prior sexual knowledge of Vanessa: -1, He just came out of the closet and told Serena he has a thing for "married men." Mazel!: +3, Goes back in the closet when Serena gives him a whiff of her magically potent pheromones: -1
Total: 2
Season to Date: -4
Power Position: Up

Dan:
Personality Flaw: Hasn't outgrown Morrissey: -2, Is the only person who doesn't know the threeway rules: -3, No one wants to ride on his disco stick: -1, Trades Morrissey for Gaga. That is sort of like trading in being a sad bastard for being a screaming queen: 0 (just an observation)
Power Play: Blabs about threeway the first chance he gets. Bad form, dude: -2, Casts Blair as an old queen: +2, His skit is a major rip off of the Saved by the Bell "Snow White and the Seven Dorks": -3, Knows that everyone at NYU is too young and oblivious to realize it: +4
Sexual Intrigue: Threeway confidence: +3, Has two girls fighting over his man guns: +1, His celebrity girlfriend is getting him places: +2, His celeb girlfriend leaves him for a crappy witch movie: -2, Wants to get together with Vanessa: -2, And she's interested in another guy. Burn!: -3
Social Schemes: Needs Vanessa to direct his play: -1
Total: -7
Season to Date: -9
Power Position: Down

Rufus:
WTF: Doesn't know what gonorrhea of the throat is. No wonder he gave it to both Courtney Love and Justine Frischmann of Elastica when on tour with Lollapalooza '96: -3
Total: -3
Season to Date: -11
Power Position: Down

Jenny:
Bonus: She is well on her way to being a drug addict. Jenny all strung out on pills is going to be even cooler than that time when she was living under a bridge with her sewing machine: +10
Personality Flaw: Obsessed with waffles. Leggo my Eggo, Little J: -1
Power Play: Embarrassed in front of the Chapin girls: -1, Uncomfortable being the accessory to a drug deal: +1
Sexual Intrigue: No one wants to date her: -1, Scores a hot ambassador's son: +3, He's shorter than her: -1, Her man is a drug dealer: -1, No, we change our mind, having a drug dealer boyfriend is kinda rad when you're in high school: +3
Social Schemes: Chuck takes control of her life: -2, You could be in worse hands the Chuck's: +1
Total: 11
Season to Date: -20
Power Position: Up

Vanessa:
Fashion Points: We can't remember what she wore last night, but we're sure it was ugly: -1
Personality Flaw: Is no Julie Taymour: -2
Power Play: Things are awkward with Dan: -1, Lives in one awkward dorm room with Olivia: -1
Sexual Intrigue: Went from third wheel to number-one girl: +3, Olivia steals Dan away from their Morrissey date: -2, Fighting over Dan, of all people: -2, Gets to kiss Dan: +1, Dan chooses her: +3, She disses him for some nameless guy. Burn!: +3
Social Schemes: Does a swell job stepping into the play after Olivia runs off: +1, Is the bigger person and tries to get along with Olivia and Dan: +1
Total: 3
Season to Date: -25
Power Position: Up

Lily:
Personality Flaw: Can't seem to remember for two weeks in a row that she has a silent gay son: -2
Sexual Intrigue: Is pimping out her stepdaughter. Creepy: -1
Total: -3
Season to Date: -35
Power Position: Down