Vampires are huge. Ratings for fang banging shows are unbelievable and the anticipation for the Twilight sequel is vomit inducing. We're sick of the undead too, but please stop telling girls that liking vampires will warp them!

Today's horrible press release is from a PR agency wanting us to do a story about how liking vampires will give teenage girls body image issues. If they want to be like these pale, thin monsters from beyond, they're going to stop eating and wear white makeup and develop eating disorders and maybe a skin rash. Oh my gosh!

Please, this is some seriously stupid fake outrage. From the pitch:

In a time when it is so easy for young girls to be persuaded by the media, are vampires the wrong image to achieve? I work with several clinical psychologists and behavioral health experts who can discuss the negative impact these shows have on body image. Some of the additional topics these experts can discuss are: Are these shows forcing girls into eating disorders? Forcing them to use diet pills? How can these girls embrace their body and have positive body image? How can parents help to combat these stereotypes that young girls are faced with?

Thanks to media of all stripes and our youth- and fitness-obsessed culture, girls already have enough body issues, but we think that vampires are the least of these problems. First of all, most of the vampires in Twilight, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, and others are men and the women they fall in love with are humans. So, how would this make want girls to be thinner and paler? Sure, this is a stupid pitch, but why is everyone convinced that this fad is so bad and has all these dark psychological underpinnings?

There is only one great sociological reason why teenagers are really into vampires right now: they're cool. That's it. Someone decided that vampires were the thing, girls bought into the idea and convinced other girls that they were losers if they didn't and now we have a national vampire hysteria. If it weren't vampires, it would be Dirty Dancing or Garbage Pail Kids or doing your math homework. The fickle tastes of children can hardly be explained, they should just be monitored and tolerated.

So, as we've gone over before, liking vampires will not make girls fall in love with gays. It will also not make the unhealthily obsessed with brushing their teeth, want to stop eating garlic, avoid crosses, or be afraid of their reflections in the mirror. Excessive vampire exposure may make them screech, scream, act irrationally, fall in love with Robert Pattinson, read trashy books, and cast far too many votes for the People's Choice Awards. But that's just teenage girls now, isn't it?