Did you hear the breaking news? Nancy Pelosi's socialist health care bill is almost as long as Infinite Jest! And that means it is bad. It is a bad bill, because good bills are short.

We can all agree, as patriotic Americans, that the House of Representatives should only pass bills that name post offices after Ronald Reagan and honor country music's contributions to America.

What Congress should not do, ever, is try to vote on bills that are long.

Despite the badness of long bills full of evil Government words, every Congress passes thousand-page bills on transportation, energy, and education. No Child Left Behind was 1,033 pages long. The House Conference Report on the 2005 highway bill: 1,231. All of this is in the public record. You can download PDFs of any bill you like from the Library of Congress and Adobe Reader will tell you, right there at the top, how many pages of unreadable bureaucratese passed right by the Republican majority.

What is awesome here is that Politico is not simply playing into a meaningless Republican talking point, they are lovingly assisting in the creation of a meaningless Republican talking point.

Wouldn't it have been much more terrifying for conservatives if Nancy Pelosi's health care reform bill ended up being short? Like, it coulda been a four-page Jack Chick tract of jackbooted Americorps thugs throwing insurance company executives to the "death panels," which are grizzly bears, obviously.