Gossip Girl: Bi-Bi-Birdie
The most amazing thing about Chuck Bass kissing a guy wasn't the kiss itself, but when he acknowledges that it wasn't the first time he kissed a dude. Wowza! Chuck's power increased tenfold now that he can seduce both sexes.
Aside from Chuck kissing a guy, last night's episode was pretty whack. There was way too much Vanessa. Remember when she was just some weird little girl who worked in a gallery and we would only see her when Dan used to whine about how rich Serena is. Ah, those were the days! Along with all that Vanessa, the other atrocity is that everyone is wearing purple and asymmetrical tops. It's like the lavender version of the swine flu.
Dorota:
Power Play: Even though she is not there to serve her Miss Blair in person, she uses her faithful servant as a way out a tight spot with Chuck: +3
Total: 3
Season to Date: 40
Power Position: Down
Chuck:
Fashion Points: Purple!: -2, His haircut is very nice: +1
Sexual Intrigue: Consoles Blair after her nightmare: +1, Doesn't even hesitate for a second to go gay to please his girlfriend: +2, Kisses a guy: +4, Admits that he has kissed a guy before: +10, It was probably Nate that time they took E in Ibiza, which doesn't really count: -5, Disses Blair for being a schemer: +1, Really doesn't want to dump her, but does on principle. Moral high ground is not a place Chuck should be visiting: -3
Social Schemes: Lets Blair use his burgeoning bisexuality for her little reindeer games: -2
Total: 7
Season to Date: 22
Power Position: Down
Olivia:
Fashion Points: Purple!: -1
Personality Flaw: Way too excited to meet Dan's parents: -1, Gives good gifts: +1
Power Play: Acts like an ass in front of Lily and Rufus: -2, They forgive her and invite her over for breakfast: +2, She's so important, they don't let Eric out of his room to come have breakfast because they don't want to be embarrassed: +2
Social Schemes: Takes toast away from Blair and Vanessa without even trying: +3, Let's Vanessa convince her that Dan doesn't want her to meet his parents, twice: -2, Cancels the speech to have Dan's "special chicken": -1, Gets to give the speech without even asking for it back: +5
Total: 6
Season to Date: 2
Power Position: Up
Blair:
Fashion Points: Great grey dress at the parents' dinner: +1
Personality Flaw: Is nice to Vanessa. Boo!: -3
Power Play: Has nightmares about Vanessa. So do we: +1, Has the new mean girls firmly in check: +2, Treats her minions like crap and reassigns their pecking order: +1, Adding insult to injury, she gets lessons on taste from Lily!: -2
Quip: "Get out, you cable knit queen": +1
Sexual Intrigue: Convinces her man to go gay: +3, It's a little too easy: -1, Pisses off Chuck by using him in her scheme and not trusting him: -5, Grovels to get Chuck back: -1
Social Schemes: Can't convince Josh to give her the toast: -1, Tells V she doesn't get to give the toast and then starts her plan to get it back: +2, After Chuck kisses a guy (and we like it!) she gets the toast: +2, Loses the toast and her man because of Vanessa. Vanessa!: -4,
Total: -4
Season to Date: 2
Power Position: Down
Carter:
Money: Is a poor: -2, But somehow manages to still have a towncar: +1
Power Play: Again, people are ordering him around. This time to an oil rig: -3
Sexual Intrigue: Gets saved by Serena: -2, Walks away from Serena: +3 (because she's stupid and silly and he's better off without her), Walks away from Serena: -4 (because she has money and saved his ass)
Total: -7
Season to Date: -7
Power Position: Down
Dan:
Family Secrets: "People like you more when they meet your family." Considering his family is a washed up rock star, an annoying runway with bad eye makeup, a stupid slutty heiress, an invisible mute gay kid, and his evil billionaire step mother, that says a lot about Dan: -4
Personality Flaw: Needs to get compliments from a watch: -1, Can't cook: -2
Power Play: Gets his Brooklyn pussy pad all to himself when Rufus moves out: +2
Sexual Intrigue: Can't keep his girlfriend from being annoying in front of his parents: -1, Has breakfast with his girlfriend at Lily and Rufus' rather than in his Brooklyn pussy pad: -1
Social Schemes: Falls for Vanessa's ruse and invites Olivia for dinner so Vanessa can give a speech: -2, Forgives Vanessa when he finds out: -2
Total: -11
Season to Date: -8
Power Position: Down
Rufus:
Family Secrets: Vanessa wants to be his daughter: -2
Personality Flaw: He is always feeding everyone! They're not going to be able to fit in their ugly purple dresses: -4
Power Play: Puts up with Vanessa's annoying mom: +2, Is nice enough to pretend like Olivia wasn't being a stupid jerk: +2, Keeps his Welcome Back, Kotter mugs: +3
Total: 1
Season to Date: -13
Power Position: Down
Nate:
Fashion Points: Please, give the kid back his manbangs. His real hairline is not natural: -2
Personality Flaw: Knows Serena well enough to know that she is so stupid she will think she can win at poker and is also stupid enough that she won't: +4
Power Play: Helps on his cousin's campaign: +1, Doesn't realize his cousin is probably too young to run in the first place: -1
Social Schemes: Sets up the whole Serena/poker/Carter/Buckley/oil rig nonsense: +3, Intentionally plants the fake picture to win the election: +2, In the end, he gets outsmarted by Serena: -3
Total: 4
Season to Date: -16
Power Position: Up
Serena:
Fashion Points: Purple!: -1, Is determined to have her lady flower hang out of every outfit she wears the entire episode: -3, The poker trend was like three years ago: -1
Personality Flaw: Stupid enough to think she can win at poker: -2, Goes all in on a pair of kings!: -3, Just for being a skank: -1
Sexual Intrigue: Is the only person who can save Carter: +2, Saves Carter at the expense of Nate: +3 (because Nate sucks), Loses Carter basically because she is stupid: -1, He's a poor: +2
Social Schemes: Catches Nate with his fake photo: +2, Stops the pictures from coming out by going to the Buckleys with the fake photo: +4
Total: 1
Season to Date: -18
Power Position: Up
Vanessa:
Family Secrets: Even her parents don't like her: -3, Her mom catches her talking shit about her: -2
Fashion Points: Everything about the dress she wears to the parent's dinner: -3
Personality Flaw: Feels bad for breaking up Chuck and Blair: -1 (for weakness)
Power Play: Gets a write up in the paper: +2, Gives Dan a Moroccan Chicken recipe: +2, Makes an unlikely alliance with Blair: +1
Sexual Intrigue: Lets Blair boss her around: -1
Social Schemes: Gets to give the speech, has it taken away, gets to give the speech, has it taken away: 0 (because they all negate each other), Lies to Dan to get him to cook "special chicken" for Olivia so she can give the speech: +2, Lies to Olivia to get her not to come to the parents' dinner so she can give the speech: +2, Brilliant ruse with the live microphone to expose Blair: +6, Still loses the speech to Oliva: -2
Total: 3
Season to Date: -47
Power Position: Up
Jenny:
Fashion Points: She managed to wear nothing horrible, but with seven seconds of combined screen time, that's not much of a feat: +1
Power Play: Has caught a severe case of insignificance from her mute gay shadow: -4
Total: -3
Season to Date: -56
Power Position: Down
Lily:
Fashion Points: Purple!: -1
Power Play: Is sweet enough to lie and say Olivia's dress is nice: +2, Gets to tell Blair that she messed up. It's not everyone who is powerful enough to put B in her place: +4, Is nice enough to pretend that Olivia wasn't stupid: +2
Sexual Intrigue: Lets Rufus keep his Welcome Back, Kotter mugs, because she secretly thinks they're cooler than that stupid Prada sign she has hanging in her living room: +3
Total: 10
Season to Date: -60
Power Position: Up