There's nothing like a good screaming match, and last night the fights were dirtier than the blog posts that Nerdy McFroerson writes about Rachel. Who are you backing? Team Rachel? Team Quinn?!

As Sue Motherfucking Sylvester said last night, even in the heat of battle, this show is so elegant. But this episode was filled with hate and even Sue MF Sylvester's rants had more bile and bite than usual. To deflect all that tension, we had lots of step-ball-changing to remind us why we watch this show in the first place.

"Hate On Me": This episode was filled by the empty darkness that fills these desperate characters souls. Of course, the biggest hate was between Sue Motherfucking Sylvester and Will, who battled for control of Glee. While putting on a bright face for Principal Figgins (I want to hug somebody just so I can say "I'm about to vomit down your back"), behind the scenes they were ripping into each other like an 8 year old off his ADD medication attacking his Christmas presents.

Sue's strategy, as always, was to divide and conquer, sectioning off the "minority" students and building up their confidence so that they would hate Will and the other kids, thus ending the whole enterprise. Will responded by failing all of SMS's Cheerios in Spanish and exposing the grade inflation that has allowed her winning team to keep pushing pompoms instead of pencils. Oh, Sue, if only round-offs could shave the world. Sue retaliates by trying to get her "Sue's Kids" to leave Glee. It ends in a slow motion, spit-flying cuss off of epic proportions.

And then, as happens every week, all the kids go "Glee ain't fun no mo," and then Will says, "Damn, I have to start behaving like an adult now and fix it." Can he please stop making Glee not fun for at least one whole episode? This week he fixed it thanks to Sue, who in a surprising act, stepped down from Glee to focus on getting her Cheerios back into shape, and maybe getting them to learn how to spell their names. It was a surprisingly magnanimous gesture for SMS, but she has to be working some kind of angle. Whatever that is, Will didn't make Glee fun again, even though he tried. Thanks Sue, for relinquishing control and giving us our club back.

"Ride with Me": I hate this song. Well, nothing against Nelly, but I didn't like it in the episode. The great thing about Glee that we don't get in most other musicals is that the songs are always intertwined into the action so we don't get the most common (and most annoying) criticism of musicals: "I don't get why they're like in the supermarket and they break out into song and dance." On this show, the kids are singing and dancing because, well, they're in a club where they sing and dance! This number just seemed tacked on, and it wasn't especially good. Yes, the more singing the better, but don't just start adding things willy nilly because you need a few more tracks for the soundtrack (out November 9).

I liked the sentiment behind it though, where it showed all the kids palling around together. We keep hearing about how they're so tight and they're the only ones with each others' backs, but we never really see it. And it was nice to hear Sue Motherfucking Sylvester name check some of the minor players. Can't we give the "red shirts" a little more character? Even "Wheels" and Tina don't have anything to differentiate themselves but a handicap. Let's lay off the Finn and Rachel for a bit and give us more of them. Babygay Kurt and Mercedes gave us some of the series' best moments yet. Yes, Glee, we want to go on a ride with you. Just don't leave anyone behind.

"No Air": The person who is sucking all the air out of Will is Terri, with her crazy steal-Quinn's-baby plot. While dealing with the evil machinations of Sue Motherfucking Sylvester at school Will has to deal with another controlling force of crazy at home. Maybe the reason Will hates Sue so much is because she reminds him of all the things he hates about Terri, because they're both the same person.

Finally, he took a stand, and demanded that Terri take him to the OB/GYM because he has no balls, so he obviously must have a vagina, and only a doctor can find it. No, he really wanted to see a sonogram of their baby.

Of course this was going to be difficult, since if you pour a bunch of soundwaves through a prosthetic belly, the only thing you're going to see on screen is a bunch of cotton balls and maybe Terri's belly button ring, which she probably hasn't taken out yet. Good thing tramp stamps don't show up on this type of thing, or else there would be a giant butterfly emblazoned on the screen. Thankfully Terri and her crazy sister have an easily-duped doctor, and they get him to go along with the plan. It's going to be a long nine months for Will. Terri won't even let him touch her lest he discover that her belly is as strapped as a lesbian's dildo, do you think she's going to let him make spastic love to her?

"You Keep Me Hangin' On": Glee has finally found the gay version of Sophie's Choice. Do we root for the talented, unconventionally beautiful underdog or do we go with the bitchy wronged diva who has fallen from grace? It's like the two icons of the gay collective unconscious are at war, and we must choose between Rachel and Quinn.

OK, I'm just going to say it. I'm Team Quinn. Yes, it was mostly this awesome choreographed cheerleader production number that clinched it (Oh Quinny, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Quinny!), but I'm still a little bit pissed at Rachel for not backing up off of Finn. As much as he may like her, the man is still nominally attached to Quinn. As Real Housewife NeNe Leakes would say, "Close your legs to married men." Or in this case, confused high schoolers who want to name their baby Drizzle. Quinn was right to confront her about killing the Quinn's-bun-in-the-oven blog story only to get closer to Finn.

When Quinn sings "Set Me Free" she is doing it in retaliation to Rachel, not Finn. She doesn't want to have to compete for her man with some no-good, quarterback-stealing ho, and she shouldn't have to. Sure, Brad and Angelina are still together and quite in love, but that doesn't mean it wasn't fucked up what they did to poor Aniston. But what Quinn hates is that Rachel pities her. Quinn Fabray is way too popular to be going around with the likes of Rachel Berry feeling sorry for her. In order for Quinn to make it through this ordeal, she needs all the strength she can get, and that comes from being at the top of the cheerleading triangle. Rachel's sad looks are only going to topple that.

"Keep Holding On": Whether you're a Quinn Quarreler or a Rachel Ruffian, this is the song that unites the two of them. Though Rachel sings the lead with her would-be man Finn, the focus is still entirely on Quinn, and its message speaks directly to her.

When Sue Motherfucking Sylvester finds out the truth of Quinn's pregnancy thanks to a pair of incriminating granny panties, she's hurt because it threatens the Cheerios' supremacy and she realizes that she has permanently lost her most powerful minion to Will Schuster's Dancing Army of Goodness. It's like in Willow when the evil queen's daughter saves Elora Dannon from her mother's evil clutches because Val Kilmer has been giving it to her good in a tent on some frozen tundra. In retaliation, Sue releases the story of her pregnancy.

When she learns that the bun is out of the oven, Quinn briefly buckles under the pressure, but she picks her head back up quickly because she has a song to perform! It's telling her to hold on, that she'll make it through this and it will be fine. Except it won't be. By the end of the song, she knows it, and she gives us a sad little sigh that says, "Life is about to get very fucked up, and my boyfriend is in love with another girl and I'm not ready for all of this. I don't know what else to do but press my cheerleading uniform and deal with it, so that's what I'm going to do."

The person who needs to stop holding on is Finn. Whether you're wearing Quinn's colors or Rachel's, we can all agree that Finn is the source of their problems. There's a moment during the song when he reaches down and the grabs both of their hands. Finn forgot that he is on Glee and not Big Love. You do not get to put on all white and throw Rachel in the pool and then buy her a house next to yours with a connecting back yard. You have to choose, Finn. You can not have your Quinn and eat Rachel too!

As wrong as Rachel is for pursuing him, he's twice as wrong for stringing her along, especially when he has a girlfriend with a baby on the way. Sure, the fetus is the only thing that is keeping him with Quinn, so maybe if she makes it more clear that they are not keeping it, he can finally end up in the egotastic embrace of Rachel. Then they can film a musical version of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and adopt a whole shit ton of kids from around the world. It will be great! Anyway, Finn can't expect both of these girls to keep holding on to you forever. And if you do, then you're a dick.