Did you attend the fourth annual Values Voters Summit at Washington's Omni Shoreham Hotel? No? You missed some awesome Breakout Sessions.

We haven't made any of these up:

* SPEECHLESS - SILENCING THE CHRISTIANS
* THUGOCRACY - FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY
* DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD
* ACTIVISM AND CONSERVATISM: FIT TO A TEA (PARTY)
* THE THREAT OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
* OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY
* MARRIAGE: WHY IT'S WORTH DEFENDING AND HOW REDEFINING IT THREATENS RELIGIOUS LIBERTY
* THE NEW MASCULINITY
* WAIT NO MORE: FINDING FAMILIES FOR WAITING KIDS
* TURNING THE TIDE IN YOUR GENERATION

Nor did we make up what that "New Masculinity" session was apparently about: protecting the children from being turned gay by Playboy. Take it away, Chief of Staff to Senator Tom Coburn:

A session on the "New Masculinity" went deep into the reasons why, and how, conservatives could prevent children from entering pre-marital domestic partnerships or from embracing the "malady" of homosexuality. Michael Schwartz, the chief of staff to Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.), told the audience that praising one's parents in nightly prayers could enforce the notion of marriage, and telling children that "all pornography is homosexual pornography" could prevent them from becoming perverted.

Yes, of course!

And Mitt Romney, who is the Republican party's leading 2012 contender (and a so-called "centrist!") is openly praising this weirdo nonsense hard-right conspiratorial mystical Mormon pseudohistory called The 5,000 Year Leap. (The book also informs Glenn Beck's bizarre interpretation of history and the constitution.) It is hard to overstate how weird and fucked up that is and how terrifying the idea of these people returning to power is. This is like a 1988 speech from Paul Tsongas in which he announces that he's been seriously studying The Illuminatus! Trilogy, except all that just would mean was that he was high, not that he believed the Rothschilds banded together with Ho Chi Minh, the civil rights movement, and the Council on Foreign Relations to establish a New World Order.