Authorities on Alert for Civil Unrest as Twilight Stars Turn to Nudity
Whatever government agency is in charge of monitoring rioting by hysterical teenage girls went onto high alert today with the release of information about nudity (full and sorta) from two stars of the Twilight series.
Entering the final 90 day window for America's teenage girls to drive themselves to screeching madness over the release of New Moon, the second film in the Twilight celibate vampire series, these two pieces of news coming so close together are the Hot Topic equivalent of air raid sirens, warning all good people to take cover.
First, American magazine stands braced for assault today with the launch of Teen Vogue's 3/4 naked photo-shoot of Taylor Lautner, featuring his newly installed pectoral muscles, brought on board in preparation for his character's transformation into a topless werewolf in New Moon.
In the words that some editor thought would be cute to fill up the space next to the pictures, Lautner brazenly attempts to pass the buck on any damage caused by girls driven to violence by the sight of his torso. He says, "I think the fans would love anybody who played Jacob... I'm just lucky to be the one who got the chance." Nice try, Lautner. We'll see you in court.
Meanwhile, in full and total nudity news, authorities can breathe a sigh of relief that it's just Bella (Kristen Stewart) taking it all off and frankly, if you're a teen girl, that just looks desperate and not at all exciting, as it would be if Rob Pattison were — let us not even imagine such things.
Stewart is slated to play a 16 year-old prostitute in the upcoming indie film Welcome to the Rileys. She uttered sometime, somewhere to the font of celebrity quotes that is WENN, "It's an independent movie that nobody would normally see and now it's like, 'Oh, let's go see Bella in this stripper movie, it'll be crazy,'"
Count off one nation of 11-to-16-year-old girls as not impressed.