Well folks, we're down to the Fab Five finalists: Frenchy, Smarmy, Sassy, Dorky and Snorey. These are the master chefs who can make a stomach sing with joy — but hopefully better than this one does.

(The man in that linked clip went on to become rich making dog calendars, by the way. So there's hope for all of us, I guess.)

It's time once again for that joyous jubilee of short-burst bloviation: the Gawker commenter live blog. For those who are new to this natterfest, I'm your hyper-alliterative host, MisterHippity, and the object of our affliction airs on Bravo at 10 Eastern tonight. The actual live blogging happens down the in the comments section, where everyone can participate. (Unstarred commenters: Please don't hesitate to join in. The rest of us will promote your comments — we're very egalitarian that way.)

As an added bonus, the comments now appear in reverse-chronological order, which makes time run backwards. So when the live blog is over, you'll actually be younger than when it started! Feel free to ponder that (but not too deeply) while I run through these highlights from last week:

  • Art Smith continued to mention all the famous people he's cooked for. You could push a phonebook off a table and drop fewer names than this guy does.
    adiam7 loved Fishballs. aLostLady loved Gandalf. Everyone else loved Ned Flanders.
  • Aaron Altman opined that judge Jay Rayner is really General Zod from Superman, minus a haircut. (Click here and judge for yourself.)
  • The Lo score was the high score.
  • Suzanne Tracht served something that really reflected her personality. Unfortunately for her, it was cold fish.

I also know a couple of things about what will happen tonight — not because I reversed time, but because I watched the preview clips. Here's a sampling:

  • Hubert Keller will brag that he sells a burger at one of his restaurants for $5,000 — and that people actually buy it. This brings to mind the old French saying: Il nait un sucker chaque minute.
  • The chefs will have to cook a meal for severely diet-restricted actress Zooey Deschanel (she eats no meat, fish, eggs, dairy products grain or soy) – which is akin to asking a group of barbers to give Tom Colliccio a haircut.
  • Art Smith will say "Obama." Jay Rayner will say "cookery." Kelly Choi will smile and pretend to eat. (These things weren't in the preview clips, but I suspect they'll happen anyway.)

Sounds exciting, doesn't it? It's hard to believe that this will all be over in three weeks — except it won't, because Top Chef Season 6 will start then. So it all just never ends, really. But hey … who wants to go out on Wednesday nights anyway?