Oprah, America's thuggish overlord and faux cultural tastemaker, was out there today, as she always is, polluting the airwaves with her little syndicated serf-indoctrination program, looking for something cool to run up to, drop her pants, and shit all over. What did she defecate on top of today? Skype!

So yeah Oprah, fresh from obliterating what little remnants of cool Twitter once clung desperately to, perpetrating fast-food terrorism and causing millions of America to go to bed hungry via her evil chicken riots, not to mention the years she's spent destroying literature in this Goddamn country, was just ga-ga for Skype on her show today. She dedicated the full hour to that nifty little internet phone outfit. It was like a dang informercial! Oprah skyped into a wine tasting, Antarctica, a submarine, a Virgin Atlantic commercial flight, a Best Buy in midtown Manhattan, she even had her portrait done by some a sketch artist over Skype! Hell, Oprah was just skyping all over the place! She even invented her own little cutesy catchphrase—-Are you ready for this?—-"Where the Skype are you?"

Yeah.

And now the olds and the soccer moms will all be talking about Skype, and probably tweeting about it since they're all on Twitter now, at all the backyard Memorial Day BBQs across the land this weekend, and soon they'll be skyping each other to exchange brownie recipes or just for the fuck of it and Oprah will have succeeded, ONCE AGAIN, at destroying every last fucking thing still good in the modern world. The end.

(PS—-We're not really as assholeish toward middle America as we may appear in this post, we just love taking shots at Oprah. Well, okay, maybe we are actually as assholeish as we appear, but we've convinced ourselves otherwise. Now carry on.)