No one is attending this party tonight except everyone. Plus: John Mayer is single and Maggie Gyllenhaal isn't. And lots of people from the '90s are still totally relevant!

  • Tonight: the Met Costume Institute Gala! But "the Trinity"—Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, and Christy Turlington—will not be there! Why? Because they hate Kate Moss! And because they all have various other good excuses, probably, or at least Christy is out of the country filming a documentary or something. Also basically no one is going to this damn gala! Not Karl Lagerfeld, Dolce, or Gabbana! But still, Page Six says even though no one is going it will still be a wonderful Gala, the most beautiful one in history. They are so conflicted this morning! [NYP]
  • Madonna probably won't get her second Malawi Baby. Where were we just reading about how Josephine Baker just bought a bunch of "orphans"? New York or something? Anyway. They all turned out fine! Now random dudes in Malawi are giving quotes to the tabloids. Alert Thomas Friedman. [DailyStar]
  • John Mayer blah blah girlfriend blah blah fuck John Mayer. Also: acrobats! [NYDN]
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal married famed Swiss actor Stellan Skarsgard. No, wait, Peter Sarsgaard, whoever the fuck that is. She is changing her name to "Maagie Gaalenhaalsgaard." Also: "Originally posted Monday May 04, 2009 08:30 PM EDT" Is... is that possible? How hungover are we? [People]
  • Some lady told her friend to "keep away from the lecherous old guy" at a club in the Meatpacking District. Breaking! Oh, wait, the "lecherous old guy" was Salman Rushdie. Whatever. This never happened. [NYP]
  • Some woman claiming to be USA Today founder Al Neuharth's lovechild can get her letters published in Page Six. [NYP]
  • Sugar Ray is getting back together, and some Page Sixer has an attitude about it, as if she doesn't still know all the words to "Fly" and that one that sounded just like "Fly." Still no word on Smash Mouth, Len, or LFO. Well, there is probably plenty of word on what they are up to, but who wants to look? At some point, we'll just turn on the radio and find out. Chilled out summer jams forever! (FYI no one buys records or listens to the radio anymore. Sorry, Mark McGrath and dude from Smash Mouth.) [NYP]
  • "GEORGINA Bloomberg keeps galloping on in her quest to make the US Olympic equestrian team in 2012." Ugh. [NYP]
  • Sad things are happening in Los Angeles. [NYP]