Rihanna and Chris Brown are each swearing off tattoo parlors; Neal Boulton is swearing off booze and Jessica Simpson is swearing off everything John Mayer ever told her.

  • Rihanna's tattoo might be nonsensical, since it's spelled wrong, even though the guy at the parlor totally swore he knew Sanskrit from biking across India one semester in college. [Sun]
  • Rihanna's ex Chris Brown swore he was only with that pretty lady at the tattoo parlor for her proofreading services and platonic friendship. [People]
  • Neal Boulton announced he will quit drinking. It's been interfering with the caddish bisexual editor's infidelity. [P6]
  • Sad Jay Leno has to settle for being best buds with Jimmy Kimmel, since David Letterman won't talk to him, not even after Leno sent the Late Show host a heartfelt letter after Letterman's open-heart surgery. Leno's "greatest regret" is that "the Tonight Show came between us." But then if he hadn't stolen it away from Letterman his biggest regret would have been not trying, right? Way to hide behind the passive voice, Leno! [Gatecrasher]
  • John Mayer developed a neat trick for making Jessica Simpson not talk, revealed in a very servicey edition of Page Six. [P6]
  • Candy Spelling begged her daughter Tori, via open Web letter, to get in touch and let her see her grandchildren. Will the mother and daughter reunite in time to get some more free publicity for Tori's memoir, Mommywood, due out Tuesday? Meh, who cares. [ET]