Impressionable tarts across America are now being pushed and prodded to buy "fertility tests" to tell them when the time is ripe, for sex. Sophisticated advertising campaigns are encouraging intercourse. Nation Of Whores much, hmmmmmm?

Two separate and distinct vagina-related developments in product marketing make it clear that morals in America are as antiquated an idea as waiting until marriage to start having orgies:

1. "In the last several years, [the First Response home pregnancy test] has appeared in television programs like 'Gossip Girl' and 'Sex and the City,' and in films like 'Marley & Me,' 'Knocked Up' and 'Juno'." That Marley is such a whore.

2. This new "home fertility test" allegedly tells women when the time is right for baby-making. But it's kind of bullshit! "In capital letters in large type, it says, 'Are You Able to Get Pregnant?*' with the asterisk referring to smaller type that specifies that the product will not really answer that question, saying, 'This test detects F.S.H. This test does not detect all fertility issues.'" This product was obviously designed by men.

Women, retreat to your convents. We will sound the steam whistle when it's safe to emerge. [NYT]