Justice is served on Tuesdays, apparently: Madonna must convince a Malawi judge she's not an impulsive, Godless witch; clubs are finally willing to discipline bankers; and Rihanna will help prosecutors, they hope.

  • Fox News claimed Rihanna wasn't cooperating with prosecutors trying to convict Chris Brown. Supposedly she was more upset that the picture of her bruised face leaked to the press than about how her face was bruised in the first place. Prosecutors responded by spreading word Rihanna is cooperating, but then for some reason they attributed that information to Rihanna's lawyer. As if they don't know themselves.
  • OK! actually wrote a story about how terrible it is that "Ice Queen" Jennifer Aniston doesn't talk to anyone on her movie set, hang out on her movie set or even eat on her movie set. The magazine based this story on spies it has on Jennifer Aniston's movie set. Hello?! [OK!]
  • The people of Malawi (still!) have several concerns, collectively, about Madonna wanting to snatch another one of their babies. One, she's not a Christian, or even a proper Jew, really. Also, she's not married, or even in a stable boytoy relationship. Finally, minor point, the kid has a family that loves her, including her grandmother, in Malawi already. On the other hand, Madonna is famous, rich, feeling lonely and tired of waiting for her order to come through. In the U.S. this standoff has been labeled an interesting "debate."
  • Soho House is kicking out people who haven't been respectful to staff and aren't "great creative types." Bankers quickly realized this meant them. [P6]
  • In a disastrous attempt to hit on Angelina Jolie, Slumdog Millionaire's Azharuddin Mohammed asked the movie star if she planned to adopt an Indian kid, HINT HINT. Now she's going to actually adopt an Indian kid, but probably someone younger and more chic who will fit better with what Jolie creepily calls her "rainbow family" of all the hottest ethnicities. [Sun]