There's only one explanation for everything in the world right now: TIME LOOP. By the by, Newt Gingrich is running for president everyone!

Over at New York's Daily Intel, they can't decide if it's the mid-'90s (Dow at 6,500, Newt and Rush are back!) or the early '80s (leggings and unemployment!). But you are all thinking like Dr. Manhattan's dumb girlfriend, with your linearity. It's always been the 80s and 90s and it always will be!

What we're experiencing right now is what physicists call "The Butterfly Effect Starring Ashton Kutcher." Someone is throwing us all backwards and forwards through time in order to right past wrongs. And, as in that film, these attempts just keeping making everything worse. Which is why, instead of "Speaker of the House," we are dealing with "Presidential candidate" Newt Gingrich:

Gingrich and his wife "will look seriously and we'll probably get our family totally engaged, including our two grandchildren, probably in January, 2011, and we'll look seriously at whether or not we think it's necessary to do it," he said, according to the Richmond Times-Dispatch.

"And if we think it's necessary we'll probably do it," Gingrich said. "And if it isn't necessary we probably won't do it."

"I think it's conceivable that by 2012 you could have a second Contract for America," the former Speaker added.

Noooooooooooooo!!! 1.21 gigawatts! It's the Libyans!!

Well, Peter Feld called it last week. He tried to warn us.

So we're all just stuck in this time loop, like that Next Generation episode where the Enterprise kept exploding, and our last hope is that our android president can send a message through his positronic brain giving us some clue as to how to avert the same catastrophes over and over again.

(This maybe has something to do with why Hillary Clinton got Russia a giant reset button today?)