On Thursday night, the newly-minted Top 13 of American Idol had a red carpet party. A celebration before most of them fade back into sad, eternal obscurity.

The Roughneck.

Megan Joy Corkrey. Potential 13th place finisher?

The laboriously hyped Lil Rounds.

More Megan Joy (which will totally be her stage name should anything actually come out of this.)

The undeserving Jasmine Murray.

The effusive Jorge Nunez.

Ugh. The nefarious dead-wife-pimping Danny Gokey.

Ugh. The nefarious dead-wig-pimping Adam Lambert.

Allison Whosiewhoo. A dark horse to win it all.

Matt Giraud had better get himself behind a piano.

A happy family. That will be split apart in a week.

"Will I look back at what in ten years and weep?"

Alexis. A bright horse to win it all.

O swoon, here comes your boyfriend. Your boyfriend Kris Allen. Who's reeeeally Jesusy.

There he is again!

Scott. Must avoid tactless jokes.

Anooooooop! Wouldn't it be funny to become a brief, flash-in-the-pan celebrity because your name was fun to yell?

Fig. 10: The family before we died.

More of her.

There they all were, glinting in the sun. Their smiles buffed and waxen. Their hearts turning to cold metals—to silver, to nickel, to noisy, rattling tin.