Hello America, how are ya? Like the train in Arlo's song, Top Chef is bound for the city of New Orleans — and starting tonight, we have just two episodes left to live-blog about it.

Because my knowledge of Big Easy cuisine is limited to five words from Hank Williams — "jambalaya, crawfish pie, file' gumbo" — I'm sure to learn something new during tonight's installment (which starts at 10 Eastern). In fact, I learn something new here every week, which is one of many reasons I'll sorely miss this season when it's over. Last week, for example, I learned what many commenters would choose as their last meal on earth, thanks to Lizawithazee's impromptu poll on the topic. Here are a few of the responses (some which look so savory, I almost feel like committing a capital crime just so I can request them):

  • Heneage: Fois gras terrine, Parisian gnocchi with summer squash, steak au poivre and creme brulee.
  • bellethellama: Smoked Alaskan salmon over a homemade bagel with cream cheese, heirloom tomatoes, shallots, salt-brined capers, and a perfect bowl of matzoh ball soup.
  • smilehat: Steak au poivre, grilled cheese, a juicy peach and Breyer's vanilla bean ice cream.
  • minou: The macaroni and cheese from Chat-n-Chew; grilled heirloom tomatoes with sea salt; peas with butter; chocolate lava cake; and raspberries and peaches with honey and ricotta fresca.
  • EaterLover: Ortolan, "because it's so wrong." (And it really is. Just Google "Ortolan" and learn how they make it. Or better yet, don't.)

I also learned several interesting things from last week's episode. For example:

  • It's a good thing Fabio became a chef instead of a doctor. This became clear when he announced this plan to treat his own broken finger: "I'll chop it off and sear it on the flattop so it doesn't bleed anymore." Fortunately, someone with more conventional first-aid notions got to his finger with a bandage and a splint first.
  • Back in the 80s, Carla used to model. She didn't say for whom. My guess is Jim Henson.
  • Most cheftestants seem to get booted just when we finally come up with a good nickname for them. This time it was Leah, whom dippitydoo dubbed "Lea-ugh" just before she packed her knives. But despite the waste a good nickname, Leah's ouster also restored harmony and balance to the universe. So all in all, it was a good trade-off.

Finally, here is this season's penultimate list of "things to watch for as we live-blog tonight":

  • Judging from the preview clips, Fabio appears to have recently suffered another horrific accident — this time involving his hair.
  • Emeril Lagasse will be the guest judge, so I suggest the Top Chef drinking-game players imbibe anytime he (or anyone) says "bam" or "kick it up a notch." (Hopefully, Emeril won't take any "witty quip tips" from Toby Young; otherwise, he might end up saying something like: "This dish needs to be kicked up more notches than Joan Collins has on her bedpost!")
  • This episode (or next) will incorporate several great elements that benefit and pay tribute to a great city and its great people, who have recently suffered great hardships. At least, it better. (C'mon, Bravo, don't screw that up.)

Ok, almost 10. Time to pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o. Son of a gun, let's have big fun! (But remember: Don't fill the fruit jar with fruit.)