After months of enduring Barbara Walters's insidious campaign of passive-aggression, the hosts of The View (led by Sherri Shepherd) finally had their revenge today by implying she was a veritable painted harlot.

First, Shepherd told the tale of a sponsor-approved trip to Disneyland she took alongside her son and the cheating, not-yet-divorced husband she loathes (a definition of marriage plucked either from the Bible or The Lockhorns—we're not sure which). Her cohosts couldn't quite believe that Shepherd hadn't a) divorced his ass and b) told her son that they were separated yet. After all, sniffed a disapproving Walters, what would Shepherd say to her child when she began dating again? That's when the View's flat-earther said she would follow the example Barbara used with her own daughter: explain away all her late-night, gentlemen callers as a series of "uncles" with whom she has some decidedly nonfamilial familiarity. As a recoiling Walters bared her teeth, she hissed, "I was not married at the time [that I banged all those dudes, including a purring, tender Henry Kissinger]." No, but they were!

In other View news, somnolent guest Patricia Arquette revealed just how Sacha Baron Cohen crashed the Medium set for his upcoming film Bruno: he pretended to be Ben Silverman's cousin. Also, a flower bloomed on Elisabeth Hasselbeck's pirate shirt today. It's springtime!