We've glimpsed the dark abyss that is Osbournes Reloaded—the out-of-the-box godawful idea for a Fox variety show starring the mumbly metal icon, his violent wife, and their unlikable kids—and it is truly, truly awful.

Produced by American Idol peddlers FremantleMedia and purchased by an exec at Fox we can only imagine no longer has a job, Osbournes Reloaded first came to attention for refusing to hire WGA writers—a cynical, cost-cutting decision that elicited an angry letter from Guild heads Patric Verrone and Michael Winship.

The result? Could you imagine an endeavor so unspeakably vile, it makes Rosie Live and Howie Do It seem positively sophisticated and delightful by comparison? Foam fights! Drive-thru window punkings! Osbourne Juniors! Osbournes Across America! Are we having fun yet? How about tricking some dude into making out with an old woman? The look on that guy's face when he removes his blindfold? That pretty much sums up our own throughout the entire viewing.