Here, in no particular order, are the best comments of the week. Good work everyone.

  • From cdmunch in Hudson Plane Crash Survivor: 'Scary as Shit':
    "'Hello folks, this is your captain speaking. If you look out on your left, above the waves of sewage and hospital waste, you'll see the failed real estate boom of Jersey City, and to your right, the gay men of Chelsea cruising the piers.'"
  • From gawkimo in PETA: Everything Is Too Cute to Eat:
    "I always get Peter Singer and Pete Seeger mixed up. I once went to an event hoping to hear 'Wimoweh' only to find myself pondering the question of whether pouring a blastocyst down the drain of a laboratory sink at a fertility center is abortion. The weed didn't help my pondering; all I wanted was 'Wimoweh.'"
  • From uninspired in Gristedes Covers Up Copy Cat Trader John's Sign:
    "In an unfortunate and unforeseen twist, they're now being sued by Austria." [There's a picture, too. Of the flag. It's funny.]
  • From SidAndFinancy in Wall Street People: Not Funny:
    "Jerry Seinfeld: What's the deal with broker-dealers?
  • Red Buttons: The passengers on the Titanic, who said to each other, "No bailout will ever be enough!" never got a dinner.
  • Henny Youngman: Take my collateralized debt obligations. Please!
  • Steven Wright: Why is it that when you securitize something, there's no security in it?
  • George Carlin: Wall Street. Is it a Wall or is it a Street? Tell it to make up its effing mind and get back to me!
  • Rodney Dangerfield: I'm the opposite of E.F. Hutton. When I talk, nobody listens! No respect, I tell ya."
  • From BadUncle in Internet Not Responsible for Rise in Reading Says Luddite:
    "Getting market data from a poet is like hiring a weaver to fix your disposal."