Maybe Jeremy Piven isn't off the mercury—after all, his attempt to justify his recent behavior to Good Morning America was oilier than a soy sauce-slathered eel roll.

And the dodges. So dodgy! Check out this masterful response, after Diane Sawyer brings up the fact that Piven's play-quitting "mercury poisoning" didn't prevent him from hitting the clubs at night: "Let's be really clear: David Mamet is one of the greatest American playwrights." OK then? Strangely, things get even worse from there, as Piven condescends to Sawyer's questions with baleful eyebrows, slowed-down "I'll explain this for the stupids" talking, and such frequent, pointed use of Sawyer's own name that we started taking bets on when he'd call her "glib." Still, kudos to GMA for deciding that when Sawyer read a pull quote about mercury poisoning, one of the interns should mock up a graphic featuring a golden, rotating fish. Delicious (but dangerous!). [GMA]