It begins: The spring of American Idol. We're not above it, we're just not going to categorize it. Like Chipotle or Sam Rockwell, we love and hate AI, so we'll see how it goes.

WATCH

The Biggest Loser: Couples [8 PM, NBC] - NBC promised a bigger season than ever and they were not kidding. The contestants are larger and younger, which makes it extra sad for us. Sure, obese middle-aged people are no less deserving of empathy, but Obama should appoint a cabinet official (Richard Simmons?) to deal with obese kids and teens. This week the contestants are confronted with some kind of sweet-treat challenge where they must fight temptations. If the sweets are anything like the bulk cookies at Vons, they're doomed.

Chopped [10 PM, Food Network] - Ted Allen of Food Detectives/Queer Eye/a bunch of random Esquire books, hosts this new competition series where four up-and-coming chefs must turn everyday ingredients into impressive three-course meals. One contestant is "chopped" after each course, leaving the last chef standing with $10,000. From what we have seen of the show, it looks like a solid program, especially when most of Food Network's late night line-up is reruns or new shows that feel like reruns. Also, props to the big F on finding a way to create drama through the middle act breaks of a cooking show. We're getting tired of hoping that there is a grease fire during the commercial and Guy Fieri's set burns down.

TiVo

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno [11:35 PM, NBC] - Guests: Mickey Rourke, Toni Collette, John Legend. We do not envy the Tonight Show segment producers, who have to keep this Mickey Rourke interview light but substantial. When do you talk about the only really funny thing of late, the dog acknowledgment at the end of his Golden Globes speech? We're estimating that 40% of the interview will be dog-related, 20% some other GG's story and then the rest about The Wrestler.

KILL

What Would You Do? [10 PM, ABC] - Disney attempts to stay above the Howie Do It/Game Show in My Head fray with this infotainment version of Candid Camera. In this week's installment, John Quiñones reports over footage rolls of unsuspecting subjects reacting to everything from blatant racism to some dude dropping a roofie in his date's drink. Being from the Midwest, we are allowed to accuse ABC of blatant heartland pandering: In NYC and LA, we tolerate a certain amount of racism and drink meddling in the same way that retail stores budget in shoplifting. In the Duluths and Morton Groves and Peorias, people get unnerved over that shit.