Greasy chicks and dudes compete for male affection tonight on The Bachelor and Bromance, respectively. We try to restrain ourselves, but can't help noting our disdain for the latter, regardless of tonight's Bro-athalon results.

WATCH

The Bachelor [8 PM, ABC] - Single father Jason Mesnick is back after being shot down by last season's Bachelorette, and he's looking for love for himself and his son. Of the 25 women competing for his heart, four are single mothers themselves, which is some sort of twist, but we hope that revelation comes in a post-coital moment like real life and accompanied by a slide-whistle sound effect.

True Beauty [10 PM, ABC] - Vanessa Minnilllo hosts this new Tyra Banks/Ashton Kutcher-produced competition series. Ten contestants (male and female) compete in various challenges to see who is the most beautiful, "inside and out." The winner gets cash and will be included in People's "100 Most Beautiful" issue. Bravo has a similar series in development, but the winner only gets to copy edit the Details power list.

TiVo

Antique Roadshow [8 PM, PBS] - The Price is Right for the NPR crowd. Host Mark L. Walberg (of Temptation Island and Moment of Truth fame) and the squad of experts are in Palm Springs for the Season 13 opener. There they appraise an abstract expressionist painting (how fun) worth half a million dollars, substantially more than anything else appraised on the previous 12 seasons. Grab a bottle of two-buck Chuck and play along at home.

KILL

Bromance, The City & Daddy's Girls [9-11 PM, MTV] - We're not sure how much Ketamine you all have done, but there's a phenomenon associated with Special K called the "K-hole". As Wikipedia describes, the K-hole is a dissociative state where, after taking large amounts of the pet tranq, users may not "remember their own names, or even know that they are human, or what that means." This is how we feel when watching any of these three MTV shows. Whether it's Brody Jenner looking for bros, Whitney Port looking for love and busy work at her fake office in a truncated version of Manhattan, or Rev Run's daughters trying to make it on their own in the real world, this programming makes us forget why human existence matters, which is especially important in a time of global strife. That said, we'll probably watch it online tomorrow morning.