Chicken-wingery-parking-lot-felon Andy Dick was a very special guest on The View today, where he unveiled his new court-ordered ankle monitor with a Tom Waits-esque blues ditty.

Other highlights: Sherri Shepherd gushing over the high I.Q.s of his three children—surprisingly none of whom he named Adolf Hitler—and Dick's own plans to found a chain of recession-busting budget bordellos. He may have just thrown it out in a moment of blow-charged creativity, but there might be something there: The Wild Wings Ranch could offer a wide-ranging menu catering to clientele's whorehouse needs as varied and nondiscriminating as those of the pansexual proprietor himself. [The View]