There are two Paula Abduls: The first, a fierce and focused businesswoman, overseeing a growing multimedia empire bolstered by her stratospheric visibility on American Idol. The other is tanked, and the one we actually care about. You rarely get just one or the other, mind you, but instead a glorious spectrum of increasingly blurry...how do you say...shades of Paula.

Abdul made the morning show rounds this a.m., ostensibly to bang the synth-drum loudly for the upcoming Idol season, and perhaps address some questions regarding the tragic suicide of Xtreme Abdul superfan Paula Goodspeed outside the singer's home last month. In the clip above, GMA host Robin Roberts is somehow held hostage by Abdul's endless spiel for her "Forever Your Girl" line of pill-bottle-totes and faux-fur krazy-kozies. Roberts is obviously a patient and lovely woman, but we think the occasion really called for her to grab Paula by the shoulders, shake her firmly, and shout, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, STOP TALKING ABOUT MESH BANDANAS FOR THREE SECONDS AND SHOW A LITTLE GRIEF FOR SOME KID DELUDED ENOUGH INTO THINKING YOU WERE WORTH STALKING!"

A little later at The View, noted fascinatingologist Barbara Walters managed to get the singer to open up about Goodspeed's death. In the potpourri of sluggish Paulaisms compiled for you below, Abdul reveals their relationship pre-dated Idol by a decade. That fact didn't seem to prevent Goodspeed's humiliating audition from making it to air, though we understand this year's background-check questionnaire will be markedly more stringent: So much as a "mildy agree" response on question #17 ("I have sacrificed an animal in the name of one of the show's judges or hosts") will result in immediate removal from consideration.