We make no guarantees as to the authenticity of the blurry Facebook screencaps to land in our inbox this morning, allegedly belonging to sumptuously becoiffed Twilight dreamcake Robert Pattinson, working under the alias "Randle Patrick McMurphy." (Ring any bells? 10th grade English students? Anyone? Anyone?) In one exchange, he laments the life of a newly minted Hollywood It-pire ("everybody are such tossers. the bottle does me fine. the girls in this town are quite odd, you know...") and responds to a query of "get Kristen yet?" with a bloodless, cad-like, "you know I did. You're the one person I've told this to but, she wants me more than that twat of a bf that stalks her every move around me."

It all reads less like the voice of a British matinee idol than how someone might imagine a British matinee idol might talk. In particular, we had a hard time swallowing all the details about his upcoming shooting schedule, the word "tossers," and—uh—the fact that he'd confide in someone over Facebook that he nailed the teen, taken co-star he's been rumored to have romanced. Of course, there's also the fact that all this comes at the most opportune of moments—as Twilight fades rapidly. All it would take is one deeply twisted special promotions exec with a job on the line to cook up a viral hoax in time to suck the last few drops out of the box office.

Or maybe it's totally real! Consider the evidence: