It's been a rough 2008 for Heather Locklear, what with the jail, rehab, imaginary 911 calls, and the lingering shame of sex with David Spade (their matchmaking colorist really owes her after that one). "I've been better!" she told Jay Leno last night, understating things just a tad.

Thus, she resolved to spend the remainder of the year hiding in her Malibu mansion's panic room, emerging only in 2009, when her famous, readopted Melrose Place hairstyle will have grown out the dark roots we knew and loved. Undaunted, a competitive Denise Richards vowed to go Locklear one better and never leave her own house until 2010. It worked, Heather! You can come out now! [The Tonight Show]