Monster.com and CareerBuilder, the two biggest job-search websites, are both planning to spend millions on Super Bowl ads! They want to promote their fancy website redesigns and big plans to get everybody jobs now that there are no jobs left. This economic downturn is leaving everyone laid off, which is a great business opportunity! Or so a lot of people seem to think. But is it really? We have detected a flaw in this largest of growth industries: Marketing to the Unemployed. It seems like a great idea at first. All these people without jobs, and full of desperation! We got a press release for a new "networking" event" called "Get Canned":

In addition to social networking, guests will have access to resume assistance, career coaching, live raffles, fitness and beauty makeovers, and gift bags. In place of an entry fee, guests are encouraged to bring two non-perishable items to directly benefit The Food Bank For New York City. Guests that arrive empty handed pay a modest $10 entry fee.

Donate to the food bank, and then in a few weeks, become a client of the food bank! And this one was for charity, but there are plenty of people who figure they can wring cash out of the unemployed. Vault.com offers a "Recession Survival Package": two 45-minute sessions with a career counselor for the low low price of $999! That's a value right up there with paying someone an equal amount to give you lucky Lotto numbers. Why not just spend the money on a handgun, and rob people? You know who should be really well-positioned to make a killing now? Mediabistro! They have all the media jobs, right? They own the market! This is when that $23 million price tag to buy them pays off. The flaw in all of these business plans: you're marketing to people with no jobs. Therefore they have no money. Also? All you people are selling "career services" because you don't have any actual careers to sell. Worst. Business plan. Ever. Except for Wall Street's.