Now that our Kiefer is free as a bird and more velvet-voiced than ever, he's opening up about the seven-week jail stint that made shower soap negotiation almost as perilous as saving the free world. Speaking to Men's Vogue, he details the jail's living conditions (bad, but at least it wasn't the plebeian hellhole inflicted upon Raffaello Follieri) and the cerebral, mercifully short-lived experience that was his sobriety:

"There's no smoking," Sutherland, 41, tells Men's Vogue in its December/January issue, which hits newsstands Nov. 25. "The lights never go out, 24/7. You can't cover anything. You can't even put your head under a blanket. All the cells have cameras in them." Although Sutherland has resumed smoking, the knowledge that he could go 48 days with his Camels is a comforting thought. "My drinking was not a daily thing, so it wasn't an issue. And, oddly enough, neither was the smoking," he tells the magazine, adding, "I was very glad to know that I could quit. And one day soon I will."

Until then, though: hot wings at Ye Rustic are on Kiefer! He'll just be outside, trying to bum a Camel light off the drunk, 50-year-old blonde (Liz?) he saw sitting at the end of the bar, head lolling just low enough to earn her brittle bleached hair an extra sheen of beer-soaked highlights.