· Last night's Dancing with the Stars featured a harrowing intake exam with Cody Linley and his recently appendectomied partner, Julianne Hough. Turns out both of them are hopelessly addicted—to mutual respect and admiration! · Our new hero: Wisconsin native Kyle Drinkwine "became so incensed by a lackluster karaoke performance of a heavy metal song that he assaulted the singer and a second man, police charge." "But which song?!" you bellow. "'Holy Diver,' by Ronnie James Dio," we respond. · Life Saver Wint-O-Green mints and The Wedding Singer's Rapping Granny both turned 90 recently. Why not combine parties? Just don't get too drunk and forget which one to put in your mouth for fresher breath. · Funny—25 seconds of this duet with Def Leppard is how long it took us to decide we need a little less Taylor Swift in our lives, too. · Hey, look everyone—it's Nick Denton's latest CT scan a bad omen of things to come! Hold us. It's so very cold and dark and the wolves are scratching at the door.