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If you're looking to pick up a tiny apartment—or you're interested in rubbing shoulders with one of the city's most prominent hedge funders—keep in mind that Bill Ackman will be personally auctioning off the 322-square-foot guest suite/maid's residence he owns at The Majestic tonight. The show kicks off at 8pm and Ackman will be providing the wine. You just need to bring your checkbook, be ready to bid at least $300,000, and be prepared to close this week. Ackman, in case you're wondering, is decamping to The Beresford, where he picked up an apartment for $26 million and where, we sincerely hope, he earns an invite to join fellow residents John Stossel and John McEnroe in their regular beach volleyball games in Central Park. [Curbed]