[Ed. note: In the tradition of such beloved parlor games as Fuck, Kill, Marry and Puke, Broke, AIDS, we now proudly present your daily Defamer TV listings, handily filed under the three possible headings of "Watch," "TiVo," and "Kill."] WATCH Eli Stone [10 PM, ABC] - Katie Holmes is not on tonight's episode, but the second season premiere of the fantasy-musical-legal-dramedy merits an hour of your time. Holmes will appear on next week's episode, however, followed by a brief but pivotal cameo on Lifetime's Army Wives, in a touching episode entitled "The Visitor."

Fringe [9 PM, FOX] - Joshua Jackson's Peter Bishop can be counted on for plenty of acerbic quips during tonight's episode, when his institutionalized father calls on a flock of homing pigeons to solve this week's unexplained phenomenon. FOX's "Remote-Free" initiative promises you six extra minutes of Dawson's Creek nostalgia. Hope Floats [8 PM, E!] - Comfort pick of the night. Sandra Bullock getting humiliated on live TV, starting over in her Texas hometown, and lip-syncing "I Can't Get Next to You" to cheer up her daughter after a savage, slo-mo playground beating has the power to cure the ails of Wall Street, Main Street and Avenue of the Stars. TiVo The Biggest Loser: Families [8 PM, NBC] & Secret Lives of Women: Extreme Weight Loss [10 PM, WE tv] - There's already enough crying in the world, and watching two hours of weight loss shows usually results in a pint of something containing cookie or brownie dough. Scan ahead and stop when you see hugging.

Dancing With The Stars [9 PM, ABC] - Results show. One of the contestants will be eliminated and Ne-Yo performs. Fast-forward through anything non-Cloris. You Got Served [8 PM, BET] - Tonight's installment of BET's "BlackBuster" series. Just watching Lil' Kim act and the meager amount of actual dance battles condenses the movie down to about 18 minutes. Kill The Cleaner [10 PM, A&E] - Everyone's least favorite team of extreme interventionists ends its first season by doing something extraordinarily complicated to solve a problem that a part-time employee at the California Department of Social Services could've knocked out in an afternoon.

Dirty Harry [8 PM, AMC] & Magnum Force [10 PM, AMC] - Please get some new movies, AMC. No one even stops on your channel unless they see 1960's dudes doing bad things to women or Bryan Cranston selling meth.