One-man gentrification-play performer Danny Hoch, profiled in the Observer today, has lived in the neighborhood for twenty years. He's fascinated by the collision of the formerly downtrodden area's old and new residents. One such person: his neighbor, an "old school Puerto Rican cat," who watches the ATM machine on Grand Street and retrieves the receipts that hipsters leave behind, just to see how much money they have in their bank accounts.

"He's like, 'Yo, these kids be lookin' bummy, I mean the bummiest, motherfucking, cheap looking kids and they got like $150,000 in their savings account, $280,000 in their savings account. This one motherfucker never takes a bath and he got like $400,000. He just leaves his receipts there in the machine.'"

BREAKING. Does no one work but us?